Damn.

You know you’re getting old when you suddenly realise that this generation of angry birds, candy crush and plants vs. zombies will someday be equivalent to your generation of space invaders, centipedes, tetris and pong.

– cumuloq ❤

The Thing I Don’t Like About the 20-something Lists

Maybe you’ve seen your friends post this before, another list on the things you should do while you are 20-something or a list of everything a 20-something-year-old needs to do before it’s too late. See, the thing about those lists is that I really don’t believe in them.

I don’t believe that they should be a rule of thumb on how you should live your life. To me, there’s something really hypocritical about those lists. They advocate and promote a tone of freedom, of self-discovery and being able to accomplish everything you want in life. And sure, someone who blindly wants to accomplish everything that other people want to accomplish may look to those lists and think they’re something of a guide from an experienced person who has lived all those moments when they’re 20-something. But the truth is, you’re not going to die and you’re not a loser who hasn’t experienced anything if you haven’t completed those lists either. You shouldn’t let those lists belittle you to thinking that you’re not living your life to the full, ’cause frankly, it’s just numbers and tasks that really don’t limit your experience of the life you’re living.

Take for example:

2. Love as recklessly as you can. Let yourself have that relationship that suffocates you with emotion every day, where the highs are inexplicably stratospheric and the lows are explosions and screams and hot tears. Go there with someone, be your best, most joyful and your worst, most vindictive self with them–love wildly, because one day you’ll be too weary or too rational for that. – Kat George

No, thank you, George. Love is not something that should be done “recklessly” – or at least something I don’t want to do “recklessly”. The only thing that will amount from experiencing this in your 20s (worst still with someone you just don’t care about) is tonnes of trust issues, broken hearts and emotional scars. And it kind of scares me who out there might look at such a list and say to themselves, “Goddammit I need to just throw my love around first and experiment! Then I’ll find the love of my life!” ‘Cause frankly, if anything, loving recklessly only makes it that much harder to love at all.

Another example:

6. Approach someone at a bar who seems cute and cool, and without even thinking about it, just start up a conversation with them. Remind yourself that you don’t even know this person, and even if they don’t like you back, it will have no bearing on your life. – Sophie Martin

Now, come on, these just aren’t salient ideas. I don’t like the idea of going to the bar to begin with. Some people are just not “bar” people or just not the alcoholic drinking kind. This doesn’t mean that they’re missing out on life, it’s their own life choice. Furthermore, approaching random strangers at bars just doesn’t sound like the kind of advice you should be giving out to people who are bored or confused with their age and wanting to experience life. Sure, you never know when you’ll meet someone with an interesting life story, but also you’ll never know when you’ll meet someone with an “interesting” life story too – you catch my drift.

So, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t really think too much of these ridiculous lists. Not every experience can be generalised to the entire (often female) population. And everything you might find worth your time may be completely different to other people. So if you really do need a list of things to do in your 20s, ask the person who matters: you.

Stop listening to other women tell you how to live your life and start paying attention to what your heart and brain are telling you about how you want to live your own life. Make a list that you feel is relevant to yourself and don’t fulfill all of it. ‘Cause frankly, nobody has time for all that. And that’s okay.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

Weekly Update: Birthdays and Getting Older

I kind of like making this a fortnightly thing. Right now, I can feel the workload piling up. I felt like I had a lot to do this weekend, but I did so little cause I was so exhausted, sleeping a lot, trying to evaluate how my week went and how next week will go. I was twenty-two last week and now I’m twenty-three .. I found a perfect post for how we just don’t feel as old as we actually are. I wonder if I shared it here, I don’t think I have, either way I will now. Problem is I think I’ve reblogged too many things on my Tumblr lately to be able to scroll down and find that post. Personally, it’s my fault for not having shared it immediately after I found it. But lately I also feel that a lot of the things I see on Tumblr reflect how I feel.

I found it! Here it is (image source when you click on it):

Personally, there is something about the ages 22-24 that I like. I like the idea of them. I like the idea that they are when you’re supposed to have most of your life sorted out, you’re meant to have some confidence in yourself – yet at the same time you still have the energy of a teenager (with less of the angst and muddled emotions). You’re still allowed to make mistakes and play as a kid without other adults looking at you like you’re a sad person.

Well .. that’s enough of my musings for this Sunday. On with the favourites! And again, this week, I’ll put in two instead of one.

Favourite Songs of the Week: Some Kind of Beautiful by Tyler Ward Feat. Lindsey Stirling

Monsta’ – Holdin On (Skrillex and Nero Remix)

Favourite Youtube Videos of the Week: asdfmovie7

and Mexican Standoff (ft. Key & Peele)

Favourite Lets Plays of the Week: The Stanley Parable – CHOICES EVERYWHERE! (#1) by Mr360Games

and Things to do in GTA V – Fly Fishing

And that is all for the week!

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

The Cat Poetry Series: Part 2, The Farmhouse

Welcome to the second installment of my halloween special series for this blog!

What I have done is I’ve taken a very old library book from when I was a child. I think I bought the book for a few dollars from my school library when they were selling out old books. I’ve taken the first page of each chapter and crossed out words so that the words that are left make a poem. Alongside each poem, I’ll share with you the page that I’ve taken and the actual crossing out that I’ve done.

The Farmhouse

we normally live
in a high-rise building
there.
Now, there was a terrible move
had to go
coming here.
“farm” – the very word
What would they be without
you.

– cumuloq ❤

Related articles

• The Cat Poetry Series: Part 1, A Life or Death Problem (cumuloquoise.wordpress.com)

Not Really A Friday Friday

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I knew this day would come ’cause they have been talking about it but I didn’t expect today to be the day that this comes out and I’m so excited that I don’t know why I’m still typing this out while it loads on another tab but, oh my goodness, I really really have to watch this now.

And, in other news, this Friday definitely does not feel like a Friday since I still have work stuff on Saturday in the morning and still have to wake up at six in the morning tomorrow. Plus, I have lots of extra work to do. My weekend is really not a weekend. 😦

So many things to be done. And the video above somehow slotted itself as first priority.

And I’m so sorry that I haven’t been posting as regularly and I missed the recap last Sunday. Me typing extra words in this post just so it looks like I’m writing more probably isn’t helping but somehow is making me feel less guilty with every word … yeah.

Till next time! (And till tomorrow’s second installment of the Halloween Cat Poetry Project)

cumuloq ❤

The Little Things

It was 6.30am today when I reached my train station. I was on my way to work. What made me smile unexpectedly was an elderly couple that walked in front of me. At first, I thought the couple were going to the train together, but when they reached the escalator, the old man said goodbye and turned around. I realised that he had woken up early just to walk his wife to the train station. The sight and thought just warmed my heart. It’s these little sights that are the strongest proof that love and affection can endure.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

The Cat Poetry Series: Part 1, A Life or Death Problem

I think I mentioned it before last week that I’ll be starting a new series of poetry this month for Halloween. So let me introduce to you “The Cat Poetry Series”. What I have done is I’ve taken a very old library book from when I was a child. I think I bought the book for a few dollars from my school library when they were selling out old books. I’ve taken the first page of each chapter and crossed out words so that the words that are left make a poem. Alongside each poem, I’ll share with you the page that I’ve taken and the actual crossing out that I’ve done.

Below is the first installment, or first chapter (what have you), of the series:

A Life or Death Problem

he’ll hang around.
he’ll never leave.
That’s what has happened.
Bleeker
a tall man
a thin face
the tone of his voice you would
think he was back home
sitting up in the
black judge’s chair
looking down
on the grass in front of the porch
he was dressed
a loose shirt, and
a towel over his shoulder

– cumuloq ❤

Is It Really FRIDAY!?

Are you real? Or is this all an illusion, a mirage of an oasis in a desert? I can’t believe I made it through this week – a week filled with “I can’t believe my new favourite smell is band-aids”, “why does everything hurt so much again” and “I want to sleep but I must eat this tiramisu”.

I got a faint rush of excitement when I saw videos of “The Building Game” in my Subscription List on Youtube, a sensation that I too closely associate to whenever I’m about to watch a new Harry Potter movie, but which only exists now in random J.K. Rowling-less moments in my life.

The only question now is AntVenom or CavemanFilms. I just might watch both.

But for you viewers, I present: Season 2 of Bravest Warriors. TGFYV!

Enjoy your weekends!

Till next time!

cumuloq ❤

Three Terrifying Movie Moments From My Childhood

We’ve all probably had that moment when we were eight when we thought that we were big enough to watch a “grown up” movie, or our parents decided to forget about the advisory rating and just watch a film with us in tow. Our first sightings of a terrifying ghoul kept us up at night and haunted our dreams for weeks to come, that made the darkness more spooky than it really is, and introduced us to the “night light”.

These are five moments in my childhood movie history that are still plastered in my mind.

1. Children of the Corn: The kids

I have no idea why, but one night I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to watch a movie. Little did I realise, this movie would be my first encounter with Steven King’s brand of horror. There was something about children with eyes that illuminated to the point at which their brains were visible in their scalps that just terrified me. And this moment will forever be ingrained in my mind.

2. Jurassic Park: Raptors in the kitchen 

I think anyone who has watched Jurassic Park will know this iconic scene well, from the moment the jelly shakes to the two kids trying to hide from the raptors in the kitchens, clumsily making utensils fall and pulling risky moves with their banging. As kids, my brother and I used to watch this movie if we ever felt like scaring ourselves. We’d curl up in blankets and scream like crazy. It was personally our first thrill-seeking “horror” movie.

3. Interview with the Vampire: Claudia

It was this movie in particular that had me putting the covers up to my neck for three-years of summers. The one character that terrified me most was Kirsten Dunst as Claudia. I still remember the scene of her wanting to be a normal girl and cutting her hair only for it to grow back. And I also remember the scene where she tricked Lestat to drink the blood of dead twins and she slits his throat. Whenever I think back to the movie, I’m immediately flooded with images of blonde curls and pools of blood. Thanks a lot. Personally I think if I returned to that movie, I’d find it a lot more fascinating than terrifying – but I don’t want to.

So, let me know what movies you happened to stumble upon when you were a kid that just scared the bejeebers out of you!

Till next time!

cumuloq ❤

my brain at 3am: what is horror?

somewhere it hit me: horror is not scary faces in the dark, long corridors, people running away from the psychopath or the alien or the clown. it is not a creature made by society, an irrational fear.

everyday is horror. it is the inching closer of tomorrow, and what tomorrow might bring. it is uncertainty, worrying thoughts clouding the mind and wasting so many precious minutes and hours of our lives. staying up late at night, eyes close but mind wide open to the darkness where it is you who chases yourself round in circles.

horror is not a scream. it is a quiet stifle into the pillow. the brave face that hides a small child still grasping at the ideologies of life. horror is the lack of understanding and the desperate grasping at straws for rational explanations. it is learning that the past few years you’ve spent happy can be made null and void by a sudden instant that turns everything you’ve known down a sharp abyss. it is the troubles and worries you claim your own.

horror is uncertainty and self-doubt. it is the realisation that sometimes you are your own antithesis. it is self-destruction. it is an illusory cage of helplessness in the mind.

when you watch a horror movie, the symbolism that echoes in the narrative manifest itself as all the little troubles and worries that plague your everyday life. it is seeing yourself the victim of the whole world. the whole world continues to turn, continues happily, and alright despite your existence. or the whole world coming in on you, forcing you out of it, pressing at all sides as though you are an anomaly. horror is seeing yourself abandoned, a tiny speck in a vacuum.

horror is not a symbol. it is a shadow of all the negative thoughts in your life.

but horror is, essentially, a fundamental part of you. it is your fight or flight instinct – the part of you that tells you to stay or go. it is you surviving. it is you putting up a struggle. horror is the expression when you discover life as you break free from your mother’s womb. but it is also the expression when you realise that you have not lived it to the full.

– cumuloq ❤

Weekly Update: Unintentionally MIA

I wonder if anyone noticed (my guilty conscience did) that I missed – actually legitimately just did not do – the weekly update last week. Or, if anything else, just did not make a post this week, apart from yesterday. Most of it has to do with the fact that I’m so exhausted after my actual week that I just do not have the brain cells left to open this window and start typing out my thoughts, or come up with a blog post. And it’s such a shame, ’cause if I only take five seconds of my time to breathe and consider my blog, I know I have a lot of ideas for a Halloween-themed month. Wednesdays should be a breeze with all the possible horror movies and TV shows I could look up and explore – but, again, I just don’t have the energy in me to plow through the amount of research I used to dedicate on such a topic.

So, for now, readers, bear with me. There will be things in store for you down the road, when my workload clears up.

For now, I will share with you my weekly (including last week’s) favourites.

1. Songs of the Week: Everybody’s Got Somebody But Me – Hunter Hayes ft. Jason Mraz Cover

and Chocolate – The 1975 (Against the Current Cover Video)

2. Youtube Videos of the Week: Paint on a Speaker at 2500fps – The Slow Mo Guys

and Halloween Biscuits with Baby Glitter

3. Lets Plays of the Week: Let’s Play Splinter Cell: Blacklist

and BEST. ROUND. EVER. (Gmod Prop Hunt)

Stay tuned, I’ll be posting shortly a series of Halloween-rated poems – like a poetry project. 🙂

Till next time!

cumuloq ❤

Poem: the return

sometimes we lose ourselves
in a moment
in our own skin
we shrink and become lost
and blind
with emotions so raw
(they surface as burns on our tongue and eyes)

words are no longer familiar
associations of objects
we grew to love
instead
we unravel
a tedious note played
with clumsy fingers
by a three-year-old
in the humid afternoons

sometimes we find ourselves
in burning shame
but there’s a smile
in the creases somehow
as you can claim that shame as yours once more.

– cumuloq ❤

Poem: she knows best

there was a chorus
of angelic voices
singing your name as
you walked into the room
but then
but then there was also
a hesitant voice
in my head
telling me,
“you should know better.”

and i,
sadly,
listened to her instead.

– cumuloq ❤

Tanya and Grace Making Friday’s Better!

I think there’s no Friday I’m more grateful for (in such a long long time) than this one. Not only was this week truly hectic, but it also was a huge test on my ability to remain composed, to not jump-the-gun and to learn from constructive criticism. Patience. Good things come to those who wait – (a terrible maxim actually, ’cause if you’re waiting forever when you could just ask and get an answer immediately and at least know whether or not to keep waiting, then that’s so much better). But for this, it’s more like I have to abandon old habits of quitting and giving up and running away and just staying put and seeing this through ’cause I know at the end of the day (or year), all these “life lessons” and “trials and tribulations” will make me a stronger and more learned person.

Okie dokie, enough of me giving myself a pep talk. And on to Friday’s video. Now, I know I’ve been so used to putting up more gaming-type youtube videos during Friday, so I thought I’d do something out of the ordinary and post a video I’m watching now of Tanya Burr doing Grace Helbig’s make-up (although I was so tempted to just post the previous video I was watching, i.e. RoosterTeeth’s ways to die in GTA5).

Last but not least, I hope all of you have a great weekend ahead. I know I have plenty of things to occupy my time with – sadly not sleep – but an A Cappella Festival, a new episode of Glee, tonnes of catch-up episodes of Once Upon a Time and, unfortunately, work. Weekend work. It’s such an oxymoron.

And I’m so lazy I’m just accepting the recommended tags given to me. Heck it.

TGIF! And TGFYV! Till next time!

cumuloq ❤

A Soundtrack of Ages

Somehow it came across my mind that, at this point in time, almost all ages have been sung about. So I decided to go ahead and find what they were (and whether all of them were sung by Taylor Swift). Here’s the soundtrack of songs titled after an age:

1. Thirteen – Big Star
2. Fourteen – Hawk Nelson
3. Fifteen – Taylor Swift
4. Sweet Sixteen – Hilary Duff
5. Seventeen Forever – Metro Station
6. I’m Eighteen – Alice Cooper
7. Not Nineteen Forever – The Courteeners
8. Twentysomething – Jamie Cullum
9. Twenty-One – Corey Smith
10. 22 – Taylor Swift
11. Twenty Three (Acoustic) – Yellowcard

Have I missed your age out? Let me know in the comments!

Till next time!

cumuloq ❤