it’s an ironic statement, really. ’cause time moves on whether you like it or not. and i’ve always taken comfort in that fact, that no matter how hectic things get, you can always rely on time to increase and lessen the pain and stress. it’s like a moving string and you use your fingertips to decide how taut or loose the string should get at any given point in time. but no matter what, it will never break because the string keeps on moving.
lately i’ve been really terrified of that string moving on.. ’cause it seems as though it’s taking away more things than i will probably receive in the near future. but what i didn’t realise is that, with all the good things it takes away, it is also taking away some of the worries and problems that come with staying in this place i’m at at the moment.
i kind of realised it today. i came to a sort of revelation that things are better moving forward than for me to loop back again. i realise that things have changed and that you can try to grasp and hold onto a memory or a moment, but the truth is that while i’m so busy trying to keep this moment in my hands, it’s actually not the same anymore. people have changed, people have left, and eventually people will come into that situation and change it and mould it. it will not be necessarily better or worse but it will be different. and most importantly, it will not be yours anymore. and that’s okay. ’cause what you can call yours is somewhere else out there.
and that’s kind of amazing to try and wrap your head around. that something out there, unknown to you and unknown to them, will someday cross your path and change you and influence you for good. five years down the road a person you never heard of can become the most important thing in your life, a job you never knew existed with tasks you never thought you would enjoy, will create new meaning to what it means to have a meaningful life and do meaningful things, and places you could never see or experience sitting where you are now could be out there, ready to be experienced by you and to inspire you with thoughts you never thought you could have.
and what does it take for me to realise all of this today? it was a moment of clarity that what i initially wanted, what i wanted to grasp onto, while it may be safe, secure, predictable, known, is not what i really want anymore. and i think i needed that the most: the realisation that what i have now is not what i want forever, or anymore.
and this feeling is very necessary. it is like a rope burn you get from holding too tight to a moving piece of string when all you have to do, to experience life to the fullest, is to just let go.
learning new things,
photo credits above go to: pinkparis1233