tweet tweet! it’s tgfyv!

5 tgfyv - friday

a day when the average joe finishes their work week and screams ‘tgif!’ and has beer with their co-workers. meanwhile, i’m here in the middle of my work week, don’t like the taste of beer and i’m choosing to scurry into the depths of youtube till i can’t tell the difference between a cute kitty cat video and a music video.

enjoy my find:

and enjoy your weekend!

till next time!

cumuloq ❤

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worries of a recent graduate

4 mid-week update - thursday

after two interviews (or really one rescheduled interview and two interviews), this week has been really hectic and mind-boggling. and once again i feel like i’m being pushed into adulthood before i’m even ready yet, forced to consider the responsibilities that i will potentially have to deal with, the stress, (the amount of grinding by the boss that will definitely happen on my first few months as a newbie once i start work).

this may sound awkward, but i think i put too much effort to convince or sell myself as a person, putting up a front during interviews, without considering or taking a few minutes during the interview to actually consider “do i want this job? seriously?” or “can i handle the amount of workload and stress that he’s telling me right now?” so, what happens when they finally say “although i think you don’t have the work experience, i’m willing to just throw you in there anyway”? sometimes i feel like i try too much to be a people-pleaser …

but, i’m still giving myself two weeks to see how the other interview went to make a decision. although that company above is already in the second stage of asking me to send in my documents and to work out my pay.

somewhat related, but not entirely, is the fact that it is beginning to get really difficult to live at home nowadays. i feel like there is a good and bad side about living with your parents. the good sides probably being that i still don’t need to pay rent, most of the household chores are still done by them and food is often (but not always, these days) given to me. yet, at the same time, i’m getting very irked by some things that i feel i shouldn’t complain about yet i still feel they are beginning to overwhelm me at the moment.

i hope you don’t mind that i use this opportunity to air my grievances:

for instance, i woke up today not ’cause i wanted to wake up earlier but because i could not sleep. my dad talks in his sleep. and by that, i don’t mean just a soft muttering, no. you need to understand that he yells things out in five second intervals (yes, i’ve counted), and in a really angry tone too. so even though i have the entire day to rest and catch up on sleep – i really don’t. and when it comes to sleeping, i really do need silence to be able to drift off; i’m partially an insomniac by nature and to have even more distractions is so much more terrible for me.

so i’m pretty sure i only got six hours of sleep last night. this doesn’t help my stress levels during the day either, ’cause i wake up in a foul mood and i can literally feel my heart in my chest protesting.

*inhales*

*plays a song*

so, at the moment i need time to clear my head. i’ll go for work these next four days (including today), hand in the documents that i need to, and maybe, hopefully, on monday, i can go for a nice walk or make an attempt to just destress. and maybe, everything will just fall nicely in place. ’cause at this point, i feel that the answer to my worries is just a lot of time to pass and for things to just clear out of my brain.

i wish i could be more explicit about things that are going on .. maybe i will make them clear once everything becomes clear. but for now i can only wait it out and see.

till next time!

cumuloq ❤

‘soundtrack to my life’ game

3 music+movies+tvshows - wednesday

there used to be this “game” that went around called “soundtrack to my life”. and basically what you do is you open your library, put it on shuffle and then just keep hitting next and then type out the song that ends up playing during each turn to fill in the scene that is given in a list. which means, the songs are as random as can be. it also means people are exposed to the most embarrassing corners of your library, ’cause you’re not meant to skip at all.

so i’m going to do that today for ‘movies+music+tvshows’, ’cause there is nothing much to talk about in regards to movies (didn’t really watch one) nor tv shows (off-season period).

i warn you, the songs that come up are completely random and i’m doing it right now as i speak type. oh, and also my library may be huge (and by huge, i really mean huge), but it is also about five years out of date. so none of the new/current songs that i like are in it:

opening credits:
My Heart – Paramore

waking up:
Time After Time – Quietdrive

average day:
Comme Des Enfants – Coeur de Pirate

first date:
Story of a Girl – Nine Days

falling in love:
Where Will I Go – Jason Sweet

breaking up:
She Said, I Said (Time We Let Go) – NLT
(i just went back to the music video and i realised kevin mchale from glee was in this band – wow.)

getting back together:
I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie

life’s okay:
Time Stands Still – All-American Rejects

mental breakdown:
Emergency – Paramore

driving:
The Man Who Can’t Be Moved – The Script

flashback:
Cold Dark World – Weezer

partying:
What’s My Age Again – blink-182

happy dance:
Face Down – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

regretting:
Burning Years – Story of the Year

long night alone:
How Many Words – Blake Lewis

death scene:
Walk Through the Fire – Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire OST)

end credits:
Playing for Keeps – Matchbook Romance

as you see, some songs work out better than others. but i’m kind of happy that some songs are accurate to the theme. i think the ones i really disagree with are the ‘happy dance’ and ‘long night alone’. i kind of love the fact that the buffy musical epic song ‘walk through the fire’ turned up as the ‘death scene’.

so, here’s where i suggest that you try it out too!

enjoy!

cumuloq ❤

things i wish i didn’t worry about before going for an interview

2 the idealist - tuesday

i’m going to admit that i am very very superficial when i get the call that i need to go for an interview. ’cause the first stupid thing i always think of is what to wear. yes, not how to prepare for it or do any sort of research into the job, but what the heck am i going to wear?! i think it’s ingrained in me, but i will never feel comfortable in office wear. nope, nope, nope.

pencil skirts terrify me. office blouses are equally nightmarish. i feel like an awkward douche in them. plus, i have yet to find one of those handbags that women carry that doesn’t make me feel stupid holding my hand out in an awkward angle.

so i often stick to dresses that can pass off as formal – which doesn’t help when i step into the holding/waiting room and every freakin’ girl there is holding a handbag, wearing an office blouse and a black pencil skirt, looking all prim and proper and i feel like the girl who went to the wrong party..

and the second thing i worry about, and always terrifies me the most? shoes.

middle-heels-wedge-pumps-office-womens-simple-black

yup, one of the worst things for me to think about when going for an interview are those black heels that pinch at the front and the back and all over. i think in the last three years, i have gone through about four or five pairs of heels and all of them, all of them i swear, i’ve only worn once and then throw away.

i don’t know how girls can do it! my feet are allergic to heels! or literally anything that requires that the shoe goes around my heel. which makes flats sometimes terrible too. i have had blisters, i have had the skin peeled off the back of my heel, i’ve had blisters on my toes, i have had one toenail fallen off, my left big toes is permanently bruised at the tip, the smaller nails look so vulnerable to be pulled off. i don’t understand how other people do it. i think the last few months i’ve gone through two entire boxes of band-aids just for my feet. i have no idea what i can do if i get a permanent job that requires i be in heels all the time. it probably means i have to invest in some really amazing miracle heels – with the no income i currently have.

and those, i sadly admit, are the most worrying aspects of an interview that i wish i didn’t have to worry so much about. it’s only until i reach the place and am forced to wait for the interviewer to come that i realise i forgot to prepare any answers to questions that they are most likely to pose. i’m thankful that i have some miracle way to get by, but i wish that those crazy, superficial worries above would just disappear and allow for me to focus on what really matters in an interview, and that is the interview itself.

thank you, readers, for putting up with my rant. i really hope someone out there shares my woes.

till next time!

cumuloq ❤

about wearing glasses

1 all the pretty things - monday

it’s really easy to compare yourself to celebrities and those who you think look better than you. but sometimes you need to have a reality check and realise that everyone has their own shortcomings. i believe that the entertainment industry is slowly becoming more forward about their imperfections. i really appreciate celebrities like emma watson and jennifer lawrence who do see a problem in the industry’s obsession with skinny girls and showing off too much skin. (although i do also believe that there are cases in their line of work that have contradicted some of their claims.)

one of the things i’d like to bring to light, though, is shortsightedness – in the literal, not figurative, i.e. dumb comments, sense. you don’t really see too many celebrities wearing their glasses if they are shortsighted. which leads to the assumption that to get anywhere in life you need to have perfect eyesight, or fake it to make it, i.e. contacts. and this is a really bad influence to our generation.

i know plenty of my friends wear contacts longer than they should. and i’m alright with people wearing contacts for special occasions. what i don’t like, however, is when people become too dependent on contacts as a determinant, a sole factor, of how pretty they look or are. and i think a lot of that owes to the image the industry sets up for what is pretty.

after all, there are far too many movies where glasses stand as a symbol of being a nerd/geek/ugly duckling, a symbol that the protagonist has to shed so as to become a stronger version of themselves. take every superhero movie as an example. superman and spider-man (i’m kind of proud of myself to know that stan lee specifies that spider-man needs a hyphen in his name.) also, take every ugly duckling story of a nerdy girl. ugly betty, the house bunny, geek charming (i realise i mentioned more obscure shows, but those are the ones that immediately pop in my head.)

sarah-hyland

oh, and maybe every single taylor swift video that existed.

taylor

i don’t think any girl or guy should be forced to live within these symbols where glasses instantly means that you’re a nerd or a geek or inferior, especially if it results in you wearing contacts for prolonged periods of time. ’cause eye infection is a really serious and disgustingly common case that can easily be preventable if people were more accepting of the way they look, and accepting that they are beautiful.

i’ve had so many friends that have fallen asleep while wearing contacts, or have gone swimming wearing contacts, or even to the shower with them on. their eyes dry out and turn red, but they still put them on the next day in the fear of having someone spot them with their glasses on. these kinds of insecurities are no match for the risks of going blind ’cause you’re straining your eyes more and more with each of these incidents that take place.

i can potentially attempt to scare readers now with images of contacts-related eye diseases. but i think you guys are smart enough to google image that yourself, if you are willing. instead, i think i’ll do something different, and show you photos of celebrities wearing glasses. and not hipster glasses, no. normal, prescription glasses. glasses that the everyday person wears.

tumblr_mj4r8hxUbD1rjqmi1o1_500 selena-gomez-glasses-gorgeous (38)_0

honestly, i’m happy to see celebrity youths with perfect vision or contacts on. but i think it’s about time for some of them to stand as advocates, promoting the fact that one does not need to have perfect vision to be beautiful. that you can be beautiful by just being yourself and comfortable with the way you look.

’cause honestly, i think everyone is beautiful when they are themselves! 🙂

cumuloq ❤

my brain at 3am: in love with the idea of love

how do you know whether you’re in  love with a person or just the idea of being with that person? when you toy the image of you and him or her and you together, are you really considering that person as an individual, as a person you think you can grow to love, regardless of what you learn about them, or are you considering how that person will just love you, or what they can give you, or how they’ll compliment you (more figuratively than literally). is there a difference and does this then make a difference?

i’m sure we’ve all done it some time. thirteen-year-old you sees someone who just makes electricity spark within you, make your pupils dilate, makes your throat dry, makes you want to watch everything they’ve been in or read everything related to them (and if they were luckily within your local sphere, a crush in your school, someone who you just could not get your eyes off during class and made you forget about what the teacher says for the entire lesson). what are we thinking when we see that person?

do we think: wow, i wonder what kind of life he’s had growing up, what he wants to accomplish in life, what his bad habits are, will i be able to live with them? maybe. but most likely no. it would be more like: wow, i wonder if he lived a similar life as mine, if he has similar goals as mine, if he has similar bad habits as me, can i live with them forever? those are the short term interests of love. the former are the long term ones. and i think, if a relationship begins to fall within realistic settings, when time finally cements the two of you together, you really do have to consider those aspects of that individual – rather than you’re amazing relationship as a whole.

does this then mean that we’re more in love with the idea of love than the person themselves? and does that make life awfully sad then? does that mean we’ll never actually reach an equilibrium between that pedestal, that amazing vision/fantasy you have of a boy who always puts your needs first? and, if that’s the case, does that mean that love does not exist? (or at least the idea of love that we’ve so terribly grown up with, this unrealistic goal where the boy sweeps the princess off her feet and into the sunset).

one limitation of being a human being, which i find irrational, is that we are constantly fickle-minded (ooh, oxymoron there). some days we’re okay with this idea of love, maybe realistic is good, maybe realistic sometimes surprises you and lets you down and then surprises you even more. maybe it’s okay if he’s not as good looking or as smart or as funny or as charismatic as i envision my future boyfriend to be, ’cause that means he won’t go off finding another girl as great as those standards, and i won’t feel constantly jealous or rivaled. maybe it just fits. that he is just perfect for me and not anyone else, and that’s what makes it perfect. but other days, you get clueless. or amnesia. and you fall out of love with the person and back in love with the idea of having a person who is your idea of what love should be like.

i wonder what you do then. maybe go to sleep.

cumuloq ❤