so, as you can see i’ve changed a few segments of my blog in this month of may. this includes, mainly, the new banners and also the schedule of the blog. i scratched thursday’s ‘awsd’ for a weekly update, which honestly saddens me, but i think it was very necessary. partially ’cause my sunday posts tend to get very long if i attempt to recount my week. and secondly, ’cause i have very short term memory when it comes to what happens in the beginning of the week. often, it’s okay if my week is non-eventful, like it has been recently, but i think it’ll bite me in the butt in the future when my wheels finally begin to turn and i aim at achieving something with myself in this lifetime.
right now, i don’t mind sitting on my butt at home and contemplating life. or, more like, watching youtubers have fun on their channels and being incredibly jealous of their careers. i feel like half of me is playing a waiting game. waiting for things to happen. which reminds me – one thing that irks me at the moment is that i feel like i want to share what i’m currently doing, but i feel like if i put too much hope in myself in the things that i’m working on, if they don’t work out, i’ll feel even more disappointed. so what i end up doing on this blog when i try to tell you guys about my life is that i skirt a lot of what i want to say. (maybe this entire post will be example of said.)
in short, i have a lot of plans, but no confirmed decisions. so it’s difficult to say much here without feeling like i’ll end up crossing it all out with the fun delete button they have in wordpress.
i guess, if anything, my updates on my life right now will be an accurate depiction of how the transition stage between graduate to working adult probably looks like. i had first intended to actually make an entire blog about that period of my life. but, i realised, what kind of blog would it be if i ended up getting a job? so i basically have this. which, if analogies stand correctly, is like a book cover that says ‘my blog and everything that revolves around me, except myself’ and the pages inside it is a metaphor of how a recent graduate is procrastinating getting a proper job.
i feel like there are a lot of times in your life where you have to re-access yourself. and this is one of them. where you have to look back at all the dreams that you had in the past, question whether they’re still relevant, do you still want them, and then rinse out the dirt. and now i’m picturing in my head a gold digger using a sifter squatting by a river bank and watching the soil go through the little holes and watching the gorgeous gold nuggets shine through. except, that’s not what my life really looks like right now. no. it’s more like an accountant trying to think whether she still needs reports dated twenty years ago and reorganising those large drawer shelves with the little tabs that sort all the papers apart from one another. yes. in my head i’m a very dated accountant.
see, i even googled what the cabinets would look like. they would look like this:
and my accountant name, in my mind right now, would be jane. ’cause i feel like that’s a very accountant name.
and, as you can tell, there is a huge difference between my writing at 3am in the morning and my writing at maybe 10pm at night. i begin to lose my noggin a bit.
shall stop before i say anything more embarrassing, but this has been my attempt at updating you guys with my life. i think the only salient point i’ve proven is that i’m going crazy. i’ll just go join alice in her rabbit hole.
till next time!
p.s. i apologise for the overload on the british slang slash overall british-ish tone.