mid-week update: i’ll choose fantasy over reality

4 mid-week update - thursday

last night i dreamt that i was working at roosterteeth in austin, texas. i dreamt that i was helping choose ingredients in a storeroom for lunch – which probably meant i was an intern. the people there were consistently scolding me in a joking manner, telling me that i was taking too much of this and that or that i was too weak to lift a bag of whatever generic ingredient my dream mind made up. and while i’m usually quite prone to overanalyse teasing comments and feel self-conscious, i honestly felt like i was where i belonged and that i was actually enjoying the work environment. it was this feeling that i was heading in the right track.

lately a lot of my dreams have been scenarios of solutions (i’m not sure whether that’s the right word). but they seemed like better alternatives to how i’m waiting around for some sign that i am made to be a working adult. i remember a few days earlier i had another dream that i was called up for an interview, but they decided to place me in another position than the one i applied for, and i felt like i could accept that ’cause at least i was doing something.

maybe, all of this dreaming is the reason why i’ve spent less time looking for ways to start working or earning money, and instead spent time shying away from reality. i decided to not go in for work today and instead spent the entire time renovating my travel hub room in minecraft and attempting to not get broke in sim city 4. yesterday i got so overwhelmingly lost in the fiction section of the bookstore, thinking to myself how amazing it is that so many books can be sitting in these shelves, that so many stories have been written, and so many worlds have been meticulously created by these authors, and so many characters have been shaped. is it possible that the number of characters in books outnumber the population of the world?

i find myself lost in this imaginary world that i’m boxing myself into lately, and i wonder whether after these few months of me burying myself in my imagination, if i’ll just be thoroughly disappointed in the real world and what it actually has to offer.

but, i also feel it is somehow necessary for me to lose myself now. ’cause it’s only when you’re lost that you really find yourself.

till next time,

cumuloq ❤


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