my brain at 3am: in love with the idea of love

how do you know whether you’re in  love with a person or just the idea of being with that person? when you toy the image of you and him or her and you together, are you really considering that person as an individual, as a person you think you can grow to love, regardless of what you learn about them, or are you considering how that person will just love you, or what they can give you, or how they’ll compliment you (more figuratively than literally). is there a difference and does this then make a difference?

i’m sure we’ve all done it some time. thirteen-year-old you sees someone who just makes electricity spark within you, make your pupils dilate, makes your throat dry, makes you want to watch everything they’ve been in or read everything related to them (and if they were luckily within your local sphere, a crush in your school, someone who you just could not get your eyes off during class and made you forget about what the teacher says for the entire lesson). what are we thinking when we see that person?

do we think: wow, i wonder what kind of life he’s had growing up, what he wants to accomplish in life, what his bad habits are, will i be able to live with them? maybe. but most likely no. it would be more like: wow, i wonder if he lived a similar life as mine, if he has similar goals as mine, if he has similar bad habits as me, can i live with them forever? those are the short term interests of love. the former are the long term ones. and i think, if a relationship begins to fall within realistic settings, when time finally cements the two of you together, you really do have to consider those aspects of that individual – rather than you’re amazing relationship as a whole.

does this then mean that we’re more in love with the idea of love than the person themselves? and does that make life awfully sad then? does that mean we’ll never actually reach an equilibrium between that pedestal, that amazing vision/fantasy you have of a boy who always puts your needs first? and, if that’s the case, does that mean that love does not exist? (or at least the idea of love that we’ve so terribly grown up with, this unrealistic goal where the boy sweeps the princess off her feet and into the sunset).

one limitation of being a human being, which i find irrational, is that we are constantly fickle-minded (ooh, oxymoron there). some days we’re okay with this idea of love, maybe realistic is good, maybe realistic sometimes surprises you and lets you down and then surprises you even more. maybe it’s okay if he’s not as good looking or as smart or as funny or as charismatic as i envision my future boyfriend to be, ’cause that means he won’t go off finding another girl as great as those standards, and i won’t feel constantly jealous or rivaled. maybe it just fits. that he is just perfect for me and not anyone else, and that’s what makes it perfect. but other days, you get clueless. or amnesia. and you fall out of love with the person and back in love with the idea of having a person who is your idea of what love should be like.

i wonder what you do then. maybe go to sleep.

cumuloq ❤


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