worries of a recent graduate

4 mid-week update - thursday

after two interviews (or really one rescheduled interview and two interviews), this week has been really hectic and mind-boggling. and once again i feel like i’m being pushed into adulthood before i’m even ready yet, forced to consider the responsibilities that i will potentially have to deal with, the stress, (the amount of grinding by the boss that will definitely happen on my first few months as a newbie once i start work).

this may sound awkward, but i think i put too much effort to convince or sell myself as a person, putting up a front during interviews, without considering or taking a few minutes during the interview to actually consider “do i want this job? seriously?” or “can i handle the amount of workload and stress that he’s telling me right now?” so, what happens when they finally say “although i think you don’t have the work experience, i’m willing to just throw you in there anyway”? sometimes i feel like i try too much to be a people-pleaser …

but, i’m still giving myself two weeks to see how the other interview went to make a decision. although that company above is already in the second stage of asking me to send in my documents and to work out my pay.

somewhat related, but not entirely, is the fact that it is beginning to get really difficult to live at home nowadays. i feel like there is a good and bad side about living with your parents. the good sides probably being that i still don’t need to pay rent, most of the household chores are still done by them and food is often (but not always, these days) given to me. yet, at the same time, i’m getting very irked by some things that i feel i shouldn’t complain about yet i still feel they are beginning to overwhelm me at the moment.

i hope you don’t mind that i use this opportunity to air my grievances:

for instance, i woke up today not ’cause i wanted to wake up earlier but because i could not sleep. my dad talks in his sleep. and by that, i don’t mean just a soft muttering, no. you need to understand that he yells things out in five second intervals (yes, i’ve counted), and in a really angry tone too. so even though i have the entire day to rest and catch up on sleep – i really don’t. and when it comes to sleeping, i really do need silence to be able to drift off; i’m partially an insomniac by nature and to have even more distractions is so much more terrible for me.

so i’m pretty sure i only got six hours of sleep last night. this doesn’t help my stress levels during the day either, ’cause i wake up in a foul mood and i can literally feel my heart in my chest protesting.

*inhales*

*plays a song*

so, at the moment i need time to clear my head. i’ll go for work these next four days (including today), hand in the documents that i need to, and maybe, hopefully, on monday, i can go for a nice walk or make an attempt to just destress. and maybe, everything will just fall nicely in place. ’cause at this point, i feel that the answer to my worries is just a lot of time to pass and for things to just clear out of my brain.

i wish i could be more explicit about things that are going on .. maybe i will make them clear once everything becomes clear. but for now i can only wait it out and see.

till next time!

cumuloq ❤

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