my brain at 3am: what is horror?

somewhere it hit me: horror is not scary faces in the dark, long corridors, people running away from the psychopath or the alien or the clown. it is not a creature made by society, an irrational fear.

everyday is horror. it is the inching closer of tomorrow, and what tomorrow might bring. it is uncertainty, worrying thoughts clouding the mind and wasting so many precious minutes and hours of our lives. staying up late at night, eyes close but mind wide open to the darkness where it is you who chases yourself round in circles.

horror is not a scream. it is a quiet stifle into the pillow. the brave face that hides a small child still grasping at the ideologies of life. horror is the lack of understanding and the desperate grasping at straws for rational explanations. it is learning that the past few years you’ve spent happy can be made null and void by a sudden instant that turns everything you’ve known down a sharp abyss. it is the troubles and worries you claim your own.

horror is uncertainty and self-doubt. it is the realisation that sometimes you are your own antithesis. it is self-destruction. it is an illusory cage of helplessness in the mind.

when you watch a horror movie, the symbolism that echoes in the narrative manifest itself as all the little troubles and worries that plague your everyday life. it is seeing yourself the victim of the whole world. the whole world continues to turn, continues happily, and alright despite your existence. or the whole world coming in on you, forcing you out of it, pressing at all sides as though you are an anomaly. horror is seeing yourself abandoned, a tiny speck in a vacuum.

horror is not a symbol. it is a shadow of all the negative thoughts in your life.

but horror is, essentially, a fundamental part of you. it is your fight or flight instinct – the part of you that tells you to stay or go. it is you surviving. it is you putting up a struggle. horror is the expression when you discover life as you break free from your mother’s womb. but it is also the expression when you realise that you have not lived it to the full.

– cumuloq ❤

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