30DSC Day 21: Song I want to play at my funeral

Hey everyone,

So this is quite a morbid one … honestly I’ve been putting this one off in my mind. Mostly because I had a song in mind for this but I had already used it for another category before this. And trust me, I tried really really hard to find a different song that might substitute it.

Close contenders included “I’ll Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie and “How I Go” by Yellowcard. But there is honestly no song that really conveys what I would want to be played apart from …

Everything’s Alright by Laura Shigihara

I decided to post up the video with the lyrics this time round cause I feel like it’s necessary to convey why I want this played.

When this world is no more
The moon is all we’ll see
I’ll ask you to fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don’t mind
If you’re with me, then everything’s alright

When I was going through this game there was a moment when I started tearing up and feeling upset. It was during the cafeteria scene when Johnny and Nicholas are talking about how strange and how such an outcast River is. And because of this Johnny wanted to get to know her.

Somehow this moment just made me feel so much closer to River – because I somehow understood her in that point in time. I felt like River was me.

Not just because she felt outcast but because of how difficult it was for her to speak up and talk to others, how she preferred to be alone, and how what she probably felt inside was something she possibly could never convey. She loved the stars and the moon – and the stars reminded her of lighthouses across the galaxy.

River had a beautiful imagination but no way of expressing it.

And, sure, it may sound kind of depressing, but I feel like I need this song during my funeral – whatever, wherever and whenever that may be.

‘Cause there are possibly going to be people there who never really knew me at all, who I was or what I felt. They’d just probably go to pay respect or because they felt like they “knew” me and felt obliged to go to feel better. And maybe here I should put a disclaimer. This statement has nothing to do with my close friends, but this is just a statement of what is probably going to happen. ‘Cause I honestly don’t feel like I know enough people and open up enough to enough people for them to understand who I was. And honestly I don’t want to. I don’t mind if people who never really knew me came. I don’t mind if people may never know who I am.

But I want this song to convey this disconnect. That there will be an awkward distance. That people may feel sad but not be able to explain it. Or not know what to do and just stand awkwardly. And I want people to realise that’s how I feel around people every day of my life. Just awkward.

And, if anything, this is also a song for those who did know me. And it is kind of a thank you as well for those who did get to know me. Thank you for taking your time to get to know me. “If you’re with me, then everything’s alright.”

Yeah – well that got kind of dark and awkward. But this was a generally dark and awkward post. So yeah, I had to repeat songs this time round because I just felt such a deep connection to this song.

Let’s talk about something more positive tomorrow, shall we? And if you want to share with me a song you’d like to play at your funeral, please do below. Also check out Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her song.

Catch you tomorrow,

cumuloq ❤

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