I should be asleep now. I really should, writing this. But I felt this was the perfect time to write this post. Because I am so nervous and I am so worried and I am so openly terrified and I am so absolutely not brave. And I feel like all I can occupy myself with is writing and doing something and – not sleeping. Which I know I will regret when I wake up come tomorrow.
So, my favourite sad song. When I am feeling sad, whether it be about not being understood – which happens a lot, me being misunderstood, or whether I feel distant, or whether it be the time of the month, there is one song that I turn to that seems like sanctuary to me.
“All Too Well” by Taylor Swift
This is the kind of song which starts off sympathising with you. It starts off saying that they are in the wrong and that you are better off and it lets you wallow in your pain. Yes, you knew all too well that this would happen. That you were trying to be strong but now you’re just broken down and hurt and if you want to cry you can and if you want to curl into a ball and hide in a corner, that’s okay.
But it’s also the kind of song that doesn’t let you stay at that point of wallowing. It makes you sing along, out loud – or in your head. And you forgive yourself and you forgive them and you realise how stupid it is and you realise that to be strong and be a better person you don’t shrink away but you reconcile and work through your pain.
And these are the verses where the volta is present, when I realise that self-loathing or hating or depression is just not worth it. And that things that happen are experiences meant for learning and that you can’t self-destruct cause everything about who you are and what you do and who you care about is “rare” and you need to hold onto that belief:
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
‘Cause I remember it all, all, all… too well.
Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
‘Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can’t get rid of it ’cause you remember it all too well, yeah
‘Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
I also love the fact that it is a pretty long song. It’s five and a half minutes long. And everything can change after five and a half minutes, and if it doesn’t, then you rinse and repeat until everything becomes clean again.
So yep, that’s my sad song. Go check out Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her sad song and I will catch you tomorrow for a pick-me-up song. If you’re feeling way too sad and the song I just shared just makes you sadder, come back tomorrow for a pick-me-up. 🙂