30DPC Day 30: Why I’m me

30. Why are you you?

I am me because of my parents. Because of the good and bad decisions they made. Because they let me study overseas, because they brought me back home. I am me because of my brother and the friends he made.

I am me because of the teachers I loved and the teachers I hated; I am me because of the teachers that made me hate math and economics and history – and the ones that made me love english and literature and geography and biology. I am me because of the school systems.

I am me because of the toys I played with and the video games I played. I am me because of my imagination from playing with Barbie dolls and soft toys, of creating imaginary scenarios and building forts out of giant books and chairs and tables. I am me because of Pokemon Blue. I am me because of hide and seek and playing chase and building sandcastles. I am me because of the friends I surrounded myself with and the hobbies we had, such as reading and gymnastics and swimming and loving horses. I am me because of the movies I watched when I was young, Balto and The Swan Princess.

I am me because of all the books I read by Dianne Wynn Jones and Tamora Pierce and J.K. Rowling.

I am me because of insecurities, because of growing up, because of being stupid and foolish and ignorant and lost. I am me because I found myself again.

I am me because I stuck to the things I loved, like literature, and kind people and music.

I am me because of all these things.

And that concludes my 30 Day Philosophy Challenge!

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Days 23 – 29: Philosophy speed run!

Hi guys!

So I missed out on a lot of the day for the 30 Day Philosophy Challenge and I realise that tomorrow will be the last day of it! I’m not too sure what’s happening on Rhey of Sunshine’s end, but I’ll do my best in this one post to answer questions 23 to 29 for today so that I’ll be up to date.

While these answers may lack quite a bit of quality to them, I hope that they are still straightforward enough answers, and decent enough answers for the following seven days (that’s a week of pondering that I need to catch up on!)

I would have liked to spend more time on them, but unfortunately the schedule I have going for me just won’t permit it. So prepare yourself for a philosophy speed run!

23. You’ve been given access to a time machine. Where and when would you travel to? What would you do?

I would probably travel ten years into the future, only to just see what it is like then. I would probably not do anything to affect the outcome of it, but I’d probably just watch a whole lot of movies, read a whole lot of books (and bring some back for my amusement) and read a bunch of news headlines.

24. What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive?

Honestly, I had a point of time in my life where it was absolutely difficult to stay alive – and I guess my answer would be because of that experience. The hardest thing about staying alive is having things in your life that you just don’t care about and having to force yourself to pretend to care. Sometimes the hardest things include having to deal with the superficial pretences of society, i.e. I don’t care about earning money, I don’t want to compete with you and your materialistic needs and social statuses, I don’t care about what you think of me and I just want to do what I want to do. Sometimes not being able to do the things you really want to do is the hardest thing of staying alive.

25. How would you live your life if you had a week to live? 

I would quit my job. I would persuade my friends to take off days. We would fly to Universal Studios Florida and spend the entire time exploring the place and going on rides. I know, I’m a generic Make A Wish Foundation kid.

26. Humans are about to colonise a new planet. If you could offer them only one piece of advice, what would it be?

To never forgo love of life, art and family for progress.

27. The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save?

I’m 100% (and more) sure that I won’t be given this task, ’cause I’ll massively screw up, but my choice would be: Angela Merkel, Bill Gates, Malala Yousafzai – and honestly my last two choices are just to ensure procreation, but I feel bad by naming anyone here because it sounds so weird – but insert your real life OTP here. I’d probably choose Zalfie.

28. As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything?

Why?

29. Are you the same person you were before starting this challenge?

No, I am so much more tired – but not specifically from this challenge.

And that’s all! My answers were honestly rushed. But that’s the best I can do to catch up.

Tomorrow will be the last day of this challenge. In retrospect I felt like I didn’t do a great job of it. But hey, life sometimes gets in the way.

Till tomorrow,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 22: My ultimate escape plan …

22. What would be your ultimate escape plan?

This question is kind of ambiguous, but I kind of gather that it means my ultimate escape plan from the world I’m currently living – if it all becomes too much.

Well, one of the first things I’d probably do is to activate my Mastercard to be acceptable overseas. ‘Cause my definite plan would be to take a flight out. I’d probably pack a simple backpack of things. I have the aptitude to pack everything I need within fifteen minutes. One of the things I’d probably do is to camp out at a McDonalds or at the airport if it’s late at night. Then activate my card the next morning and then find flights.

When it comes to flying overseas, there’s probably one location right now that I’d probably aim for, and that would be Fort Worth, Texas where one of my best friends currently stays. I’d probably give her a heads up at one of the free internet access computers at the airport. It would take me ages to get there anyway.

Over there I’ll probably think through what my options are. One probable goal is to work for a publishing house, which has always been one of my dreams.

Truth is, I know that if I were to escape from my current life I would want something completely different from what I have now – i.e. I wouldn’t want routine, I wouldn’t want formalities, I wouldn’t want fixed structures. And I feel that if I escaped to visit her over there it would be amazing.

That’s my ultimate escape plan – and now I need to rethink it ’cause the people I’m escaping from now know. As for an escape plan from a zombie apocalypse … well that’s another post for another time.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 21: What is truly living …

21. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Well, if you want to make it as simple as possible, being alive means still being able to breathe – so the bare minimum of being alive is possibly lying in a hospital bed in a vegetative state with the heart rate monitor still going. But being truly living means being able to make a physical and emotional impact on others.

Somehow I feel like this question is meant to be a critique on whether humans are really living their lives and making an impact on society rather than just going about their daily routines. But – being the rebel that I am – I refuse to take that approach. ‘Cause I believe that this question will have varying degrees for different people, because different people will have different expectations of their lives or seek different journeys. For some, truly living could be finding someone to love, and having children and having a stable job, and then retiring. That could be enough. That is a life well lived for them. And I think it’s wonderful. Because I watch vloggers like the Michalaks and the Sacconejolys and those are such “#goals”. But, of course, they have just done it on a much more public stage.

I think truly living is setting goals for yourself in your life and reaching some of these goals. And yes, they can be as small yet satisfying as growing a garden in your backyard, and as large and formidable as creating an non-profit organisation for an incredible cause.

Some people feel alive in very different ways, and I feel like we should not judge or force them to subscribe to our definition of “truly living”. It’s all about perspective taking. And – if anything – vegetative states can take different forms. Sometimes, being restrained from doing the things that we truly want to do is our own personal brand of “just being alive”.

You can force someone to go on so many adventures, hoping to change their mindset and they could be bored and miserable and not truly alive. After all, Emerson wrote that a person who constantly travels can never transcend and one should just sit in a room and think. Different people have different ways of understanding and learning about the world, and I believe that once you’ve found your own means of doing so, you’re truly living.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 20: What I’d change about the world …

20. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

This is such a formidable question to answer. ‘Cause there are just so many small problems that cumulate to bigger problems and you can’t really just change just one thing and hope that the whole world and the future has been changed for the better for it.

I guess there one thing I would push for, rather than change, is a reform of the education system in Middle East and Arabic countries – one that focuses on total literacy among its citizens and moral education.

One of the stories that really impacted me and made me consider the severity of the situation of many women in ME countries such as Iran was this The Guardian article on a woman called Ameneh Bahrami. She had rejected a man and he had subsequently thrown acid on her, resulting in her blindness. Her court case was several layers of disappointment: women are only half the worth of men in the legal sphere, and even the sort of retribution she could claim was backward and barbarian – an eye for an eye (or in her case, two eyes for one eye).

I could have stated that I would change the legal system in Iran after reading this article, but that is only a small prick in the bigger needle in the haystack issue. The more lasting impression that can be left upon the society is an education that focuses on literacy and moral education.

Why literacy? Because women need to read and understand their rights and become more knowledgeable to fight their way up to political representation. The entire society would also hopefully benefit from a better understanding of how the socio-political climate of their country should navigate alongside the values of neighbouring countries.

Why moral education? And by moral, I mean more alongside developing empathy towards others, I believe that the society can push for a more tolerant mindset, and while they should still honour certain traditions, there should be an understanding that traditions that violate and exploit rights of minority groups should not be tolerated anymore.

It’s not to say I don’t believe that the younger generations of these countries are not pushing forwards. Hundreds of young Egyptians crave to move away from their city when they become of age, rejecting the opinions of their elderlies. But it can only be said that a divide between generations will not result in change either.

Once again, I said this is one problem of many other cumulative problems that are involved in the world. Possibly there will be people who do not see it as a problem and will refute. But that is one thing that I would most like to change. I understand that there are a lot of other problems out there, and you can add yours in in the comments if you’d like too.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 19: If television shows were real …

VGHS-2

19. If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over?

I’m probably cheating here, ’cause my choice is more of an online TV show, but if there were one TV show that could be real, I’d probably want it to be Video Game High SchoolHonestly, I do not want a lot of the other television shows I watch to be real. I don’t like the idea of real life Teen Wolf, Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor Doctor Who. Because with all of the heroic and amazing protagonists and gadgets, there comes the terrifying monsters that go with them.

I think VGHS would be an awesome choice because it would be amazing if all the gamers out there could have an option to join a school that would hone their gaming talents and that would enable them to join pro-circuits or just be incredible in their talents.

VGHS-1

Plus I like the idea of technology being so much further ahead just because such a school exists. It would also possibly reduce the amount of stereotypical games out there as game developers aim to make far more realistic and ambitious games, without all the niche platforms and makers being the ones monopolising the industry.

As for a television show that would probably screw the entire world over, I don’t really watch a lot of those kinds of television shows, but the most traumatic for me to exist in the real world would be Game of Thrones. I mean (spoilers) senseless beheadings, murders and barely any consequences from them? Being able to sell your siblings as barter trade? Having rulers like Joffrey dictating how the world should be run? Nope, just nope.

But that’s just me. I just don’t want to be around when winter comes. I don’t think I’d fair well against white walkers. Honestly, I don’t think I’d really make it past two episodes.

So, which television show would you want to be real? Which one do you think would completely screw the world over? Let me know.

And till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 18: Do we bend the truth to create stories …

big-fish-time-stops

18. Are the stories we tell ourselves about our past true, or do we bend the truth so we can create our stories? If the latter is true, than what worth is there in the stories if they aren’t true?

This kind of a question reminds me of the movie Big Fish. If you haven’t watched this movie, it is about a man and his dying father, and how, for his entire childhood, the man’s father has told him dozens of far-fetched stories about his life that he feels that, even as he is dying, he does not know who his father truly is.

I think that we would like to believe that our entire life is built on true stories, or at least we try to tell stories by the (irony here) book. But even autobiographies are half-truths, because our memory can never suffice, unless documented immediately, to tell the truth of what has happened. But, honestly, well at least to me, these kinds of biographies can get a little dull. Have you read the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin? Sure, it’s a solid biography, but it’s also dull at times.

To be honest, I think the stories I have from my childhood are as true as I have made myself to believe they are. There are some that are definitely true, and there are some that I keep as to how I’ve chosen to document them to retain that sense of wonder that I had when I was a child.

For instance, this is a true story. When I was younger, my brother, his two friends and I were playing by our mailbox. We were finding rocks, and seeing who could find the biggest. The younger of my brother’s friends accidentally hit me with a rock. But, being hurt, and feeling angry, I decided to take an even bigger rock and threw it at him, and it hit him on his forehead above his eyebrow and he got a cut and we never played with my brother’s friends again. That is a true story that happened in my childhood. As true as I can remember it to be.

For instance, this is a half-true story. There was a girl when I was in pre-primary who I used to play on a see-saw contraption at the back of the pre-primary building and we would swing back and forth during lunches and we would tell secrets and stories and just talk about what kids generally talk about. One day she didn’t return to school and I told everyone a few years ago that she didn’t return because I think she died. I told this story so many times I believed it was true. But a few years later I found her photo in a photo album and it turned out that she had just moved to New York.

To be honest, if I were to tell stories to my children, I don’t think that I would tell entirely true stories either. Because sometimes the ones that are half-true have a much more fantastical element to them. And it is these fantastical elements that remember more than those that are true.

I rarely recall the reason why my brother and I stopped playing with his friends. But I always recall that friend I had during pre-primary who mysteriously disappeared. And, funnily enough, the former one was when I was much older and I therefore should remember it much better, but I don’t.

I think the person who wrote this question doesn’t truly understand the reason behind stories – i.e. they are never made to be entirely true, because truth is, like almost everything, subjective. And the most fantastical truths are the ones most worth venturing for. Even aural stories by aborigines have their fantastical elements, otherwise how would their children be captured by the tale? And have reason to tell it again?

For me stories never need to be true to be amazing, or to have truths in them. Look at Gulliver’s Travels. Sometimes stretching truths can lead to future realisations. Look at Brave New World, 1984 and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. Fiction has so many more worths to it than to tell the absolute truth or to document the past. Heck, even past documents are fabricated, selective, biased. A historical museum is an entire fabrication of how the curator wants you to see the history of a group of people, from start to finish. This is what my ‘Introduction to History’ course has taught me.

If anything, it’s taught me that history is created, and my literature courses have taught me that there is truth in lies and lies in truths – like Swift’s essay A Modest Proposal that satires the state of the Irish in the 18th century, suggesting that parents should eat their children to lessen the burden of poverty.

So bend the truth if you must. Create stories that your kids can boast over to other kids – “my parents were abducted by aliens but they won the age-old war against the xenomorphs!” Sometimes the only magic left in the world are those created by stories.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

P.S. Yes, Rhey of Sunshine and I are a bit behind on this challenge. I’m currently pausing and waiting for her to catch up a bit before continuing, so please bear with our lack of posts!

30DPC Day 17: What I would uninvent …

17. If you could uninvent something, what would it be?

I realise I’m pretty behind on this. Just recovering from the vacation I took. Both emotionally and physically drained.

If there was something I could uninvent – sorry Mark Zuckerberg – it would be Facebook. Yes, I would uninvent Facebook because I honestly observe more negatives than positives from it. Firstly it has made it so much easier for people you don’t want rather than do to survey your life. It leaves a false sense of accomplishment. And also a false sense of competition.

Maybe it’s me and my overly-sensitive personality peeking through, but whenever I see people going on vacations or people showing off what they just bought, I just feel like closing Facebook. I think people who are overly obsessed with it are not really living a life anymore.

I think my second option would be to get rid of Whatsapp. I only just started using it this year, and I feel like I’ve never used my regular SMSes ever since. And it’s also not for the best either. I don’t think I’ll get over the fact that I can get bombarded by thousands of messages. And that I can be so easily monitored as to whether I read those messages either.

So a lot of things I’d uninvent would be social media platforms that just breed this sense of materialism and self-glorification that I just want to run away from.

But what would you uninvent? Let me know.

Till the next post,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 16: What is important in a relationship …

16. What’s more important to a relationship: common values or other commonalities (like tastes in music, interests, etc.)?

So, I’ve been in my current relationship for more than five years now. And I feel incredibly fortunate that we share both common values and some common tastes. But, personally if it ever came down to things, I think that I would much prefer a relationship in which we share common values rather than common interests.

Why do I say this? Well, I think it is alright if we don’t always share the same tastes in movies or the same taste in music or the same taste in food. That really doesn’t worry me so long as we can respect the fact that we do enjoy different things are capable of living with each other’s different hobbies.

But I think it is a huge relationship breaker if the two of us did not have common values in life, like how a person should be respected and treated, what we appreciate the most out of life, and what we believe love, relationships, family and work should be like. I believe these values will become even more apparent when talks develop into how we should live together or how we should have children and raise them.

I believe that couples can actually benefit from having different interests because you learn new things and find new interests. One exceptional benefit is that if you don’t have the same tastes in food, then if there are things on your plate that you don’t like, they can eat it, and vice versa. There is a complement there. But differing values is quite difficult, especially with incompatible religious beliefs and philosophical beliefs.

So, this one is quite straightforward for me. Common values is definitely a priority. Go check out Rhey of Sunshine’s response (or cheer her on, ’cause she’s quite behind at the moment), and I’ll catch you tomorrow.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 15: Where is home …

15. Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be?

This is a really interesting question for me, because I spent my entire childhood moving between three different countries and never staying in that country for more than three years before having to get up and move again, new school, new friends, new culture. During that period of time in my life, home was definitely wherever my family was. And if it had to be a place, home was an airport and an airplane – the one thing consistent.

For me, home was never really a place. It was never really friends either, because it would be a while, during that time, before I got permanent friends. Possibly, home was the community of friends I had online on Fictionpress and Neopets when I was a child and young adult. But they were rarely consistent either.

It was honestly hard to say. I suppose home was also in the things I owned. Because those things were consistent. They were in the TV shows I watched and the books I read. So maybe home for me was in the constructed universes I created for myself.

Right now, it really is hard to tell, because I have actually been settled down in a place for a good eight years. Personally I don’t think I constitute a place as home any more, and I don’t think I ever will, because of the lack of permanence places have had in my mind throughout my life. I don’t think I can look at a geographically situated group of people and call them home. Because I never feel a part of them. I don’t feel like a particular nationality, or like a particular race because I grew up so geographically confused.

That’s probably also the reason why I find it so hard to write sometimes. Because where do I situate my characters if I were to write a fiction based on a real life place? My country is so adamant on writing that is somewhat nationalistic, that can speak for the people, but I refuse to write that way because I do not subscribe to the ideologies of the people – especially ones that are so confused (it’s hard to write this part without specificities).

So for me home was and will never be a place and its people. Sure, I can grow familiar and used to it, but I know my heart will never accept it. Regardless of how much patriotic crap is thrown at me. For me, the world has changed too much for patriotism to be overly influential.

I guess, home for me is my family members. That’s the closest I can get. Wherever they are, I am too. Home, sadly, has yet to be closest friends. Because, again, of the way I grew up, friends changed so much, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them, and that I don’t keep in touch with them, but it is hard to say that a fixed group of friends is my anchor. Or something that can constitute home.

Home may be my community online. It may be the places I’ve curled up in online. A piece of home may very well be in this blog, if I keep writing consistently in it. Because there are parts of myself in this.

So, the first question has yet to be directly answered. ‘Do I feel at home in my home?’ – no, because it is not my flat, I don’t own it, it’s my parents, there are many things I want to change about it but it is not in my power. I want to move out. That’s a definite. I feel at home with my family though. I don’t feel at home in the country I’m in, though I feel comfortable and safe in it. I feel incredibly at home with my circle of friends that I’ve chosen.

Home for me is not a place, it is the people – close to me, my closest friends and family, not really in things, though they make me feel more at home.

And honestly I don’t know what I want home to be. I think I’ll feel more at home once I’m able to create the space I live in. I get to arrange the furniture they way I want to, I get to buy the furniture and have a certain design that I want, I get to freely exhibit all my books without inhibition (the books that are now hidden in boxes ’cause the flat I stay in is too small). I’m not exactly OCD but I’m incredibly particular about the way things are done and arranged and I get so annoyed at stupid little things around the house. I personally can’t wait to finally just breathe.

Right now I feel like I’m living in someone else’s house with my ‘home’.

It’s a sad thought, like a crab that’s outgrown its shell but has no other place to go. But that’s the reality. I guess I’ve just kept myself disillusioned for a long time.

Well, till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 14: Nobody can judge you …

14. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

This one is a tough one for me, because I am honestly incredibly inhibited by the judgements of others. I think I don’t do a lot of things because I’m scared of what others might think of me, or whether the consequences may influence my future outcomes.

Simultaneously, I don’t really want to give up this fear because I think it’s good for me, because it also prevents me from being rude either, or discarding other people’s feelings, because I think that if I never did get judged I would probably say things that may come off as incredibly sarcastic – because my speech has the tendency to lean towards that. Blame television and books for that influence.

I guess that I would probably be more willing to give ideas and suggestions if I knew no one would judge me. I’m generally a creative person and I have some pretty far out – verging on mad – ideas sometimes, whether it be small group discussions or project groups. I’m always scared that people may think that my ideas are a bit strange.

Like during this holiday, I decided to throw caution to the wind and told my friends that I wanted to do a scent experiment – because it is said that memories can be strongly connected to scents so I wanted to get a scent at the airport so that we could recall the memory of the trip. I got some funny glances and remarks at first, but I was so relieved and excited when they got into the idea.

If I could do things without being judged, I would do those kinds of things.

I would possibly also just write instead of get into the entire “you must get a proper profession when you graduate with a reliable income” – or maybe not because I would be too scared. Or maybe be generally more expressive in public. Or maybe answer this question more truthfully.

Because honestly judgement really does change my responses and behaviour. I become a whole lot more politically correct. And sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Really. ‘Cause I feel so generic sometimes once I go into that default mode. Like my responses are the same as others – I guess that’s why judgement is a huge driving force in dystopian novels. And why teenagers are usually the ones who are the saviours. Because they lack that fear of being judged.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 13: Recall the good or bad times …

13. Do you tend to recall the good or bad times more?

Okay, for me this is a redundant question, because I know that scientifically we remember bad times better than good times. Even personally thinking back in my past, I have a whole handful of bad memories that just swarm into mind in comparison to the good memories. And that’s probably why yesterday’s challenge was so difficult to recall – the happiest childhood memory.

Well, how do these memories get stored and how are they incredibly memorable? I learnt last year there is a term for storing memories and it’s called hot cognition; an individual stores events from their lives into their long term memory through emotions and experiences. Let’s say for instance that you were bullied and the bully punched you, that negative experience will be stored into your long term memory because the anger, fear and humiliation that you experienced during that time were strong enough emotions for recall later.

I know I recall bad times more than the good – and some may say it is a bad thing. But, in the Darwinian evolutionary sense, it really is not. If anything, it is makes logical sense that for any form of problem solving in the future, it is essential for an individual to recall the bad experiences. In the future, if you are placed in a similar situation as mentioned above, with an intimidating foe, your brain will trigger such a memory and your decision of whether to fight or flee will be dependent on such a knowledge. Sometimes it just becomes intuitive. Bad memories prevent us from making similar mistakes in the future. Otherwise we’d be getting metaphorically “punched”. A lot.

Of course, it should also be considered that too much of the bad doesn’t do good to the individual either. Especially, when it begins to cloud judgement and force others to back away into a corner and avoid any form of experiential learning either. This is when individuals usually require guidance, to remember more of the good and use these good memories to counter the bad.

But, enough of this psychology babble, the conclusion is that I – along with, I’m assuming, a majority of mankind – has the tendency to be able to recall bad times more easily than the good. But this is not necessarily a bad thing. If you want to read more about it, there’s a NYTimes article called “Praise is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall”. Besides that, do check out Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her take on this question.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 12: Happiest childhood memory …

12. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

This … was really hard. Even as I’m writing this I’m still contemplating a memory to share. I think I was incredibly blessed to have an amazing childhood. My parents really ensured that I got a good education, that I was surrounded with loving people and that I was able to try out a whole bunch of hobbies – a whole bunch that I quit, but still a whole bunch of them that I got to try out.

Okay, I can’t really call this memory greater than the others, but it is one that probably stands out for me. My brother and I had a room in Australia with bunk beds. On a table parallel to it we used to have a Playstation. My dad somehow managed to buy a secondhand one from a friend of his and it also included a whole bunch of games.

Playing these games with my younger brother is probably one of my happiest childhood memories. I think the one game that sticks out for me among the whole collection of games we played is Bishi Bashi Special. It’s a Japanese game that has a lot of hilarious and addictive mini-games. I was always better at the button mashing mini-games. I remember one which just required us to press the buttons really fast to use up all the lead in a mechanical pencil. And I always won at that one. My brother was always good at the coordination games and reaction games.

But honestly, it didn’t really matter who won, because it was just about wasting a whole bunch of time just playing together.

This is not to say that I did not have a whole bunch of other memories that were incredibly amazing. But this challenge asked me to choose one. And I think this is the one that I’d pick out.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

Credits for the photos go to their respective sites Emuparadise and MobyGames

30DPC Day 11: If I could choose an imaginary friend …

11. If you could choose an imaginary friend, who would it be and why?

Before I begin, everyone should listen to Luke Thompson’s “The Water EP”. It’s not a new album in the least. But the songs are absolutely beautiful. Plus, since it is Thursday and I’m also supposed to share some songs today, I thought I’d put it in here first. Maybe listen to it while you read through the rest of this post.

Personally, I had a lot of imaginary friends in my childhood – though I probably shouldn’t call them imaginary because then my less-than-twelve-year-old self would be extremely disappointed in me. I think this question has a redundant assumption in it – and it is in the word “choose”. I think we all have “chosen” who our imaginary friends are, whether consciously or not. They are guardians, they are aspirations, they are admirations – and sometimes just guilty pleasures.

I’m honestly too old for imaginary friends today – though I would be lying to say that I don’t escape the world sometimes in my imagination. Honestly, I have more than one concurrent imaginary universe in my head. It’s a cassette player that runs through my mind before I go to sleep. Sometimes I’m playing video games with my favourite Youtubers and sometimes I’m just swimming in a vast ocean with sharks that refuse to bite and a storm brewing above me, but everything is still and wonderful.

I’m not too sure who I’d choose to be my imaginary friend if I had to fashion one today, honestly. It probably wouldn’t be as original as the one I had when I was nine.

I’d probably choose an imaginary friend who’s a mix of Ellie from The Last of Us and Clementine from The Walking Dead. She’d probably take the shape of Dodger from Polaris – someone quirky with a great upbeat sense of humor – who honestly looks like a cross between Hayley Williams from Paramore and Milla Jovovich . And we’d be best friends fighting a zombie apocalypse together. Maybe – just maybe – she’d also be a time lord as well. And I’ll name her Ants, after Antoinette from Wide Sargasso Sea (if you get the reference as to why I chose this name claps for you!).

Yup, so what would usually happen in my imagination is I’ll fashion an elaborate backstory for a couple of months, building it slowly every night before I go to bed, and then an amazingly elaborate plot will take place, veering off into many different potential paths before I concretise on one. Heck, there may be multiple other imaginary friends that come along with Ants and I. There was one time I created an imaginary world that had an entire rock band and crew. If I think hard enough I can remember the names of all of them – ’cause we went through a syndicate crime together. Don’t ask.

So that would be my imaginary friend, Ants. Two ordinary girls fighting zombies and time travel. Been a while since I’ve created one. Who would yours be?

I’ll catch you tomorrow with more 30DPS. Meanwhile, do catch Rhey of Sunshine’s blog.

Till then,

cumuloq ❤

Credits for the photos go to their respective sites that can be seen when clicking on the image.

30DPC Day 10: Making decisions …

10. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Okay, so this one’s a bit late. I think that if you take this question at surface value it seems really pointless. If you think you’re a follower and that everything currently is going so fast-paced and that you’re just floating through life then you’ll probably say, “Oh, I don’t feel like I’m making decisions for myself, everyone is making them for me.” And if you feel like you’re taking charge than you’ll say the latter.

So if you were to ask me on the surface whether I am currently making decisions for myself or letting others make the decisions for me, I would say that at this point in time, I feel like I am actually making a lot of decisions for myself. I honestly feel very blessed that I am in the profession I currently am – regardless of certain drawbacks. I am blessed to choose the people I want to be around and the people I love. I am blessed that I am able to choose a lot of what I want to do with my “spare” time.

But on a more spiritual and philosophical level, I feel this question goes into more free will vs. deterministic territory. Are we making decisions or do other forces out of our control already have our path determined? I feel like this question has these connotations when it begins with the sentence “Decisions are being made right now”. The implicit question here is – who? Who is making these decisions? What theology do you subscribe to? And in this theology are there “greater forces” making choices for you? Do you have agency?

Many theologies which have omnipresent gods have the natural tendency to be incompatible to the idea of free will. It is a paradox. Because if a god is all-seeing and all-knowing, regardless of what you choose, he or she will already know the outcome – meaning your outcome is fixed. This negates the idea of freedom of choice, because whatever you’ve chosen is already determined by them.

Theologians try to circumvent this apparent paradox by considering the laws of time and that, take for instance, Christianity’s open theism, God does not exist as a linear God. He, hence, does not control what happens to you in the future, he simply can see it.

Personally, I feel like I don’t know enough of the world to answer this philosophical part of the question. I don’t know what the answer is. But I would like to think that, since I am a Christian, God has seen the many routes I may take in my future and that I still have the freedom to choose these paths with His guidance. It’s complicated – but I hope it makes some sense.

To ponder more on this question, head over to Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her answer.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 9: What I do differently …

9. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

Count me as a pessimist, but I don’t think that we’re entirely exclusive in a lot of things we do  – so this question was very difficult for me. I think the purpose of this question was for me to figure out what is unique about me – but again, it was difficult.

I personally don’t think that I make choices any more differently than anyone else. I’m fairly sure that there are only a set path of choices in a given situation and that, sure there would be unpopular choices, but these choices are not unique to myself.

Along a similar line of thought, I don’t think I have any set of skills that are exclusive to me, especially after I’ve spent so much time on Fictionpress and Deviantart. There are so many people in there as equally (and a who lot more that are even more) talented at writing and drawing. So I don’t think I necessarily do skills differently. Maybe I attempt to stand out by choosing different subject matters and techniques – but I don’t think I necessarily do them differently.

Hmm, maybe I have a problem with the word ‘do’ in this question. Because my assumption in this is that humans have a fixed set of ways they can do things and a fixed set of ways they can possibly figure out things so we would not necessarily do things differently. Maybe I’m taking this question too literally.

Well, I did this question differently then everyone else. That’s for certain.

Okay – but you want an actual answer. I guess if I were to say that I did anything else, I’m pretty sure that they way I make semantic connections is different than anyone else. And by this I meant that I associate things differently when you present a particular item to me. And I think this is true for everyone, because no one has experienced the exact same things as you have. So I suppose that if you present me a random object like an ‘apple’ I would most likely have different connections than others.

That’s the most I’ve got. It’s late.

So catch me tomorrow as I attempt to fail this challenge one question at a time by overanalysing it or putting it down – ’cause that seems to be the trend at the moment. Oh, and go check out Rhey of Sunshine as she makes a more straightforward attempt to answer these questions.

Till then,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 8: Master of a skill …

8. If you could be the master of any skill in the world, what would it be and why?

Okay, I feel like I’m going to absolutely waste this choice in skills. Because I feel like any normal person would like to say that they would like to be the master of languages or the master of baking or the master of running really fast – something useful like that.

When I look at this question all I think about is Sims and how you need to master certain skills to accomplish life goals. I’m the type of player who will try to just master all of them. I want my Sim to be able to write like a pro, cook amazing cuisine, have logical skills, be mechanically adept, have incredible stamina and at the same time be a piano aficionado.

Myself in real life, I can only hope that I have the passion and dedication to try to master any skill majorly. Several skills that come to mind is to be a Jeopardy champion, or someone who is incredibly well-read in all forms of literature, or someone who is a master at one particular video game – like COD. ‘Cause you know, being MLG would be really cool too. I would also love to be a master at artistic gymnastics. Score a “perfect 10” in all my routines on all apparatus. Or a master at the backstroke in swimming – I’m not sure why backstroke, but yes, backstroke.

All of these come to mind as things that I would totally be okay at being a master at.

But I think if there were any skill that I would love to be a master in, it would be word games. I’m kind of cheating here, because word games is such a large arena. But specifically in the games of Boggle and Scrabble.

I played Boggle and Scrabble during my four years in university – and the competitive arena of word games, along with having teammates to train alongside just fuelled my existence at that time. There was something so exhilarating about working hard to memorise, to practice and to put the practice into tangible rewards.

Why I chose this skill out of all others is because it is the only skill, currently, that I feel would be attainable if I legitimately dedicated my life in. But, I guess it goes back to yesterday’s post, I do not do it – partially because it is not what I want to do – but because there are other obligations that I want more, and a lack of time to do both.

So, do check of Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her choice.

I am cutting it close with today’s deadline.

Till tomorrow,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 7: What holds you back …

7. What things hold you back from doing the things that you really want to?

Freebird_ToTheMoon_HeroSorry for the semi-late post today. This question reminds me of the indie video game, To the Moon, which I’ve probably mentioned so many times on this blog.

It’s the story of a dying man and two doctors who work for a company that serves to fulfil last wishes. The proposition of this company is that if you had spent all of your time, instead of chasing “white rabbits”, you could instead end up accomplishing amazing feats.

The problem, you realise, with this assumption is that it seems to suggest that all the small menial things that you do are not necessary in your life. And all the things that hold you back in life, such as time and money, are evils that must be overcome.

Personally I would love to write for a living – or to make artistic-driven content that can impact and influence others – but I don’t think I’d be capable of doing it without having problems such as money, time and other obligations. I think that would make me a far less capable writer. The same way other artists probably have to go through monetary struggles, I feel like I must somehow do the same.

Smaller achievements that I want to accomplish, agreed are limited by the trinity of obstacles: time, money and other obligations – but it does not necessarily seem like a terrible thing for me. Because without these struggles we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the achievements in the end.

So, for me it’s less of whether these things are holding me back – or whether it is up to me to move past them and work around them – but whether I would consider them hindrances in the first place. Because my goals do not necessarily have to go against the limits of time, the shortage of money or the presence of other obligations. If anything, these factors can aid me in becoming better at my craft.

Lastly, please check of Rhey of Sunshine for her side of the challenge. And I’ll update you tomorrow with another post. Possibly not on time either. But still on the correct day.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

 

30DPC Day 6: Locked in a room with your greatest fear …

6. You are locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room?

What I immediately thought of, looking at this question, were boggarts, Dauntless simulations and The Ordeal from Tortall. In all these scenarios, fears were never well known by the protagonist. They had to be experienced before they were known, e.g. in the case of Professor Lupin who had seen his boggart a thousand times and new it was the full moon. But, I have never really been in a room, facing my greatest fear. So how will I know exactly what its true manifestation is?

johari-windowI imagine the Johari Window in this case, to guide me along to answering my question. Some aspects of ourselves is open, known by others and known by ourselves; some aspects may only known by others and constitute the blind spot of our knowledge of ourselves; some aspects we only know privately and have yet to disclose to other individuals; and – the most interesting aspect to me – is the one which neither you nor others have knowledge of. Think of it as a boggart that sits in the wardrobe undefined, unseen. No one knows what it looks like because it holds infinite potentials to transform, depending on the person in front of them.

So … what is in that room for me? I can only share with you here the fears I know I have. But the truth is that something far more fearful could be awaiting me in that room that I just have no knowledge of. At this point in time, I would like to state that it takes a lot of courage for Rhey of Sunshine and I to share these fears. ‘Cause ultimately this question is asking us to reveal what our greatest fears are.

Possibly the most visceral scenario that would manifest in that room would be a dark and dank series of endless bridges and tightropes. It would be extremely far down to the actual floor where there are all forms of horrific, sharp torture await, mangled body parts telling of previous mad attempts pried open with innards plastered among the wreckage. I would have to navigate on thin, terribly-constructed ropes or rickety bridges to reach the far side of the room. I kind of imagine that bridge scene in Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere.

“Darkness is happening,” said the leather woman, very quietly. “Night is happening. All the nightmares that have come out when the sun goes down, since the cave times, when we huddled together in fear for safety and for warmth, are happening. Now.”
Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

Additionally, there would be an unrecognisable dark shadow, darker than any known darkness, solid and real, pressing me to move forward, slipping along the back of my spine. This shadow will cackle, whisper terrifying realisations of inevitable failure and send horrific visions that will suddenly appear in my path, encouraging me to take the plunge. Although I will be inside a room, there will be a constant gust of wind, forcing everything around to quiver. Everything will be semi-darkness, making it hard to see the steps I take.

And at the end of the entire obstacle is a scene which I am helpless to. Someone very close to me that I am required to save, have the means to, but such means is almost impossible.

That is one possible scenario. But, at the end of the day, it has little do with what is in the room and more of how it will end up being presented. I’m not really one to be afraid of monsters. Monsters downright fascinate me. And I find an unexplainable (possibly masochistic?) thrill in running away from them – or having the opportunity to defeat them. But I am afraid of precarious potentials – in extremes. The potential to fail while so close to success; the potential to die while so close to living; the potential to save a life while so close to your own death.

My room would then be filled with such potentials.

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤

30DPC Day 5: Routine or spontaneity …

5. What are you more comfortable with: routine or spontaneity?

“We all have our routines,” he said softly.”But they must have a purpose and provide an outcome that we can see and take some comfort from, or else they have no use at all. Without that, they are like the endless pacings of a caged animal. If they are not madness itself, then they are a prelude to it.”
John Connolly, The Book of Lost Things

I felt like I needed to quote this. Like, really need to quote this for this question. Because this is the last book I read, and I really haven’t read any other book in such a long time and this quote just stuck to me. In this quote, the woodcutter is referring to the protagonist’s senseless OCD routines which he does to remember his mother. I can’t recall exactly what routines they were, but something along the lines of having to tap the doorknob a specific number of times before entering the room.

I like routine, a lot. I am definitely the type of person who is more comfortable with routines and who will get agitated if I have to irrationally change my routine. I like things done a certain way – and hopefully with good reason behind it.

But I also don’t really believe that being comfortable with routines – like the previous question – does not mean that I am incapable of being spontaneous as well. Some routines are just downright dull and monotonous and have little to no sense of function or purpose to me. And during those routines I would much rather prefer some adrenalin and spontaneity.

I guess this all becomes a grand narrative towards the second question for this challenge – what I’m most grateful for – and that is dichotomies and the complex bits and pieces in between those dichotomies. Without routines, you would not be grateful for spontaneous moments where you drop everything and do something new. But it is also with those high energy moments that you learn to appreciate the simplicity and beauty of a routine done well. And – at the same time – you can have both. You can have a grand adventure and create routines within them, like writing in your journal all the wonderful things you’ve done.

At the end of the day it’s about creating meaningful routines for spontaneous moments. And creating spontaneous moments out of meaningful routines.

Last but not least, do check out Rhey of Sunshine’s blog for her answer to this question. And catch this blog tomorrow for the next question!

Till next time,

cumuloq ❤