I Feel Like Amy Pond

7 the rest - sunday

Hey guys,

So, it’s been a couple of eons since I’ve last blogged anything. If anything, it’s safe to say from a visitor’s perspective of my blog that I’ve been completely obliterated from the year 2016 … but I haven’t been. In all honesty, if there was any time for me to be recording the happenings of any year – it would be 2016. But, 2016 has honestly been a year of many uncertain ups and downs – when really it shouldn’t have any downs at all.

I don’t know … I’m honestly coming into this post not knowing my current objective – which, as anyone in any job scope or understanding of game play knows, is really a bad idea.

I feel like I’m on a precipice. I feel like there are many things that I’m seeing this year that are going very wrong … and a few small things that are turning right, and I’m still trying very hard to figure out where I fit into things – when I have absolutely no time to breath and think.

And I think that’s been happening a lot lately. So many important things are happening and I should be in the present and I feel like I should have certain emotions – but I’m being pulled in so many different ways. And I know nothing is going to change once big milestones are crossed … and yet everything will be different.

I feel like Amy Pond.

amy-amy-pond-16913008-1280-720

That’s it.

I feel like Amy Pond and I need the Doctor to come over and provide me some perspective on the eve of my very big day; let me float in space in my nightie and stare down at the earth, and remind me that everything is so very very small and yet so very very big at the same time. And that I am so insignificant and yet so very important as well. And that everything can be going so very wrong and that can be alright, and everything can seem all well and good and also be so incredibly wrong – but so long as I am brave and strong and patient, so very patient, and wait and hope – I can be saved from it all.

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I wish I was somehow wiser, that I could spend a year or so drifting off in the space-time continuum – as the cracks in my bedroom wall – in time – grow wider and wider as I neglect my responsibilities.

So …

I came here to write about how I felt about this day, before the big day. But all I can write about is how time seems to have moved far too fast and slow at the same time. And my mind has been so cluttered and empty with so many unimportantly important things.

And I wish I was instead eating fish finger custards at a small table in the middle of the night with the Doctor, just worrying about a crack in my wall.

doctor-and-amelia

And it’s not that I don’t love my Rory. But because sometimes you feel robbed of the time you could have spent contemplating about what is missing in your life … that something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue … could have happened. But in reality never will.

I feel like some fairytales need to end for some to begin.

And currently my Amelia Pond mind is in denial. But it’ll be okay, Amy. You have the Last Centurion. And some times time travel doesn’t have to be grand to exist in real life.

Till next time,

(an honestly far too cryptic) cumuloq

Favourite Games of 2015

5 tgfyv - friday

Hey guys!

Happy New Year! It’s finally 2016, and I have a really good feeling about this year. I have yet to make any concrete plans or resolutions, but I have a nervous excited energy about this year. But, before we go on and prepare for all our plans, let me take a quick look back at all the games I’ve loved last year.

Now, personally, I’m not the type to play many games on my own. Mostly cause I suffer from Player 2 syndrome – which I personally classify as a co-op, safer, perfectionist kind of attitude when it comes to gaming. I’m also kind of a backseat driver kind of player. I like to watch other people do things before I give it a go myself so I can assess what can probably be done better. So, a lot of the games I do end up playing on my own have the tendency to be low-risk, creative games. So this list has nothing to do with games I play on my own, and more to do with games that I loved to watch and fell in love with watching.

So here goes:

10. Town of Salem 

Party, strategy | BlankMediaGames, LLC | Browser Steam (software)

Yup, Town of Salem is still a favourite from 2014 – which seems apparent from my most recent, previous post. But it definitely has slipped a couple of notches in my favourite list. Mostly because the servers nowadays are overrun by either people who understand the game enough for each game to be too straightforward, or trolls who are completely trying to ruin the gameplay, or flakes that leave immediately when the game starts leaving either the town or mafia vulnerable.

Favourite Youtubers for this: ChilledChaos, ZeRoyalViking

9. Mario Kart 8

Racing | Nintendo EAD Group No. 1 | Nintendo 

It is the fact that it went up to 200cc and that there are amazing new courses and characters that were added into the gameplay that keeps Mario Kart 8 on my list of favourites. 200cc definitely added to the salt that was already accumulating in the videos of the Derp Crew. Plus, I just love the Big Blue course (final course of Bell Cup). It is a thing of beauty.

Favourite Youtubers for this: TomFawkes, GaLm, ChilledChaos, YOGCAST Kim

8. Depth 

FPS action | Digital Confectioners | Microsoft Windows

Humans vs. Sharks! Depth is another one that was created in 2014, but became a lot more complex and interesting in 2015 with new maps and new game modes and new sharks.

Favourite Youtubers for this: Ohmwrecker, H2ODelirious, GassyMexican 

7. Life is Strange

Episodic graphic adventure | Dontnod Entertainment | Square Enix

A girl who discovers she can turn back time. I kind of expected Life is Strange to be my new To the Moon – but it didn’t really have the same oof to it. There were parts of it that seemed like a generic teen narrative – and then there were some really strong episodes like ‘Out of Time’ (Chapter 2) and ‘Dark Room’ (Chapter 4). So it still makes it in my list because of those unforgettable moments that really took up chunks of my 2015. Plus, spending quality time watching an LP I loved from YOGCAST Kim made it so much more rewarding. I honestly hated all other LPs of it. Kim made choices I would have made.

Favourite Youtubers for this: YOGCAST Kim 

6. Until Dawn 

Interactive drama, survival horror | Supermassive Games | Sony Computer Entertainment

Eight teenagers in a cabin – with something after them. Try to help them survive with the help of the butterfly effect totems. I remember the first time seeing this game I stumbled halfway into a livestream of it on Chilled’s channel. I thought the “Don’t Move” feature of the game, using the motion controls of the PS4 to be amazing – and also I knew that if I ever ended up trying to play this game I would fail miserably because of my naturally shaky hands. So I proceeded to watch every other youtuber do well – or really really horribly – through this game. And honestly the reactions were some of the best parts of my 2015 youtube gaming experience. And I have this game to thank for it.

Favourite Youtubers for this: ChilledChaos, Markiplier, Achievement Hunters

5. Don’t Starve Together / Don’t Starve Shipwrecked

Action-adventure | Klei entertainment

I kind of cheated and put the two together, but they are all under the same game, i.e. Don’t Starve. While I have been watching Don’t Starve for a while now, it is only most recently that I’ve found the right Youtubers and that the new updates make for much more challenging and engaging gameplay. I love the artwork of this game so much and all the small quirks. I so want a beefalo plushie or a chester plushie. Everything in this game just screams out to me.

Favourite Youtubers for this: MathasGames, GassyMexican, OhmWrecker

4. Rocket League

Sports | Psyonix

Okay, it may seem really crazy, but this game is incredibly addictive to watch and, having watched too much of this, I get way too into it. On the surface it seems like just a game of cars playing soccer, but it is so incredibly well-made with slow-mo goals and speed boosters. I think the two friends I suggested this game to immediately became hooked on it for how great it is. Just for the sheer pleasure it brings, it definitely deserves to be high up on my list.

Favourite Youtubers for this: Ohmwrecker, Chilledchaos

3. Undertale

Role-playing | toby fox

What first appealed to me for this game is that you can choose to either fight or talk your way out of a fight – and that all choices you make, the game remembers. At first, I thought that was all the game had going for it, but it really surprised me how much I loved it. It sort of breaks the fourth wall at many points within the game and really pulls the finger of the RPG genre. Because of how original and unique it is, it definitely will be remember as one of my favourites this year.

Favourite Youtubers of this: Game Grumps (Barry and Ross) 

2. Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes 

Puzzle | Steel Crate Games

When I first saw this game being played by Ross, Arin and Barry on Steam Train, I absolutely fell in love with the concept immediately. Basically one of the players will be playing the game (you can even use the oculus rift) and the other friends all have a bomb defusal manual to help that person defuse the bomb. Neither can look at what the other one is doing and they need to rely on one another to get the bomb defused. There are different levels and they get progressively harder, either by increasing the manuals you need to do, the types of manuals or simply just by reducing the timer. Because of how creative the concept is and how impressive it is to watch a person defuse a bomb, I absolutely count it as a really high favourite in 2015. I’m also impartial to puzzle games. It also means I have to be incredibly subjective as to who I watch play this game – because sheer stupidity can be a huge wet blanket. But then again, some people watch it just to see people be stupid.

Favourite Youtubers for this: LtHummus, Game Grumps, Ohmwrecker

1. Splatoon

Third-person shooter, platformer | Nintendo EAD Group No. 2 | Nintendo

And my favourite this year is Splatoon! You’re a kid/squid in a post-apocalyptic world where you’ve entered the Squid Wars, teams battling each other for ink territory. I fell in love with music of this game, the entire game play of it, the lovely art. I also thought it was a wonderful idea for a third-person shooter. Incredibly dynamic – except when there was incredible amounts of lag. So I salute Splatoon as no. 1 in my heart for 2015!

Favourite Youtubers for this: GaLm

So those are my favourites for 2015! It was a good year of Let’s Plays and gaming, especially since I made a concerted and conscious effort to record all of my favourites down. One of my plans this year is definitely to continue doing this. 2015 was definitely a year of progress in my love for video games. I personally managed to complete Portal 2, three chapters of The Walking Dead, Game Dev Tycoon and, as usual, play way too much Sims 3 (I refuse to play the newest version). I hope 2016 I can continued this investment into a nerdy part of me I just refuse to give up – but at the same time I want to be able to negotiate it with my love for books, movies and tv shows as well. So I’m still trying to find a middling ground.

Once again, happy new year! Hope you are all healthy and loved.

Till next time,

cumuloq❤

My Top 10 Favourite Derp Crew Town of Salem Games of 2015

2 childlike ideals - tuesday

Hey guys!

So indulge me here while I make a list of my top 10 favourite Town of Salem games this year. I made a steadfast effort this year to save all my favourite Let’s Plays into a playlist on Youtube and definitely one of my favourite series has to be the Derp Crew playing Town of Salem.

If you’re unfamiliar with Town of Salem, I made a post a long while ago about it that you can read here and familiarise yourself with. I used to be so addicted to this game late last year and earlier this year and played it continuously. It was so addictive; it feed the logical and curiosity-driven side of me. Long story short, it is a lot like the game Werewolf – or Mafia – or Polar Bear, depending on how it is called when someone probably taught you about it.

All of this being said, here is the countdown to my favourite episode of them playing it. I’m not going to describe any of what happens. Discovering the roles and what happens in the end is the best part after all. Plus, when I go back and watch this I want to be surprised all over again.

10. Grandma The GodFather (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 59)

9. MIND BLOWN: The Plot Twists! (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 29)

8. Pokemon Murder Theme! (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 86)

7. PART 100 SPECIAL!(The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 100)

Note: Referring to the first game only (0:00 – 20:48)

6. MY BEST GAME! (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 37)

5. THE TRANSPORTER GOD! (Town of Salem QUAD FACECAM w/ The Derp Crew Ep. 29)

And to watch it all unfold from another perspective: The Ultimate Mafia Plan! (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 30)

4. PIE WARFARE! (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 48)

3. The Fail Highlight Episode: ZePeePee and Kim Jong Un Dong (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 32)

Note: Watch 2:25 into the video till 4:53.

2. LoveMyNuts: The PERFECT Game (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 78)

1. How To Get a BoyFriend (The Derp Crew: Town of Salem – Part 61)

And to watch it unfold from Ze’s perspective: THE EXECUTIONER’S CHOICE! (Town of Salem QUAD FACECAM w/ The Derp Crew Ep. 58)

Well, that’s all from me! Hope to come back to these videos next year and watch them all over again. And, while this list is mostly for my amusement, if you end up watching all of the episodes, do let me know which one you would consider your favourite.:)

Till next time!

cumuloq❤

Favourite Albums of 2015: Whispers

Passengers-Whispers

Hey guys!

So this is another album that I just fell in love with in 2015, even though it came out in 2014: Whispers by Passenger. This indie pop/folk album is as much love as the previous two albums that I’ve mentioned, and it really doesn’t disappoint in terms of lyrics and melody. Passenger continues to be just amazing in terms of both songwriting and vocals. Mike’s voice is just so uniquely soothing and heartbreaking.

This is the perfect album to listen to when sitting in a coffeeshop trying to contemplate where you’re going to head next in your life, or backpacking in the Europe countryside, trying to find yourself. It’s better to think of this album as one collective set of journeys and stories than to separate individual songs, better to blur them together into one painting, but that’s my suggestion.

However, here’s my usual ranking of the songs, favourite verses included once more, so you can choose which one strikes you more:

11. Start A Fire

My cliff face is crumbling
Silently tumbling
Down to the water below
And if I light a match I’ll be able to catch
The last sun before it goes

10. Riding To New York

Through the fields of Ohio as the sunshine paints them gold.
I run just like a river runs, rapid, quick and cold.

9. Bullets

He’s been collecting since the age of nine
Every shiny bullet that he could find
Built himself a house with the wooden floors
Put the shiny bullets in a chest of drawers

8. Thunder

Hey I go chasing thunder
Go dancing under
Go falling free
Hey I go running in circles
Like baby turtles
Down to the sea
Down to the sea

7. Rolling Stone

Sometimes I feel like I’m falling
Falling fast and falling free
She said my darling you’re not falling
Always looked like you were flying to me

6. Golden Leaves

Now my dear we are two golden leaves
Clinging desperately to winter trees
Got up here like a pair of thieves
While the sirens blare outside

5. Coins in A Fountain

There’s a sad old sea but my love is an island
Wild and free like the hills in the highlands
Hope is a breeze that brings me back to dry land
Where the flowers grow

4. Whispers

Well I spent my money, I lost my friends, I broke my mobile phone,
3 a.m. and I’m drunk as hell, and I’m dancing on my own,
Taxi-cabs ain’t stopping, and I don’t know my way home,
Well it’s hard to find a reason, when all you have is doubts,
Hard to see inside yourself when can’t see your way out,
Hard to find an answer when the question won’t come out …

3. Scare Away The Dark

Well, we wish we were happier, thinner and fitter,
We wish we weren’t losers and liars and quitters
We want something more not just nasty and bitter
We want something real not just hash tags and Twitter

2. 27

27 birthdays, 27 new years
30,000 quid, just so I could have a few beers
Ever dying old hopes, ever growing new fears
Don’t know where I’m going, but I know how I got here

1. Heart’s On Fire

Well I don’t know where and I don’t know when
But I know we’ll be lovers again
I’ll see you some day before the end
I don’t know where and I don’t know when

For me, “27” and “Scare Away The Dark” seem to be echoes of one another, but not necessarily thesis and anti-thesis; they seem to be both angry-happy-sadness at what has passed and how we should be living our lives. Meanwhile “Bullets” and “Riding To New York” are clear narrative-based songs that tell stories of people who seem to have lost everything except something small they cling desperately to that keep them going.

Anywho, if you want to listen to the full album, Passenger nicely has it all up on their Youtube channel. So you can check it out here. Another album you should check out, and that I have yet to get myself acquainted to is “Whispers 2”, which is here. This one came out this year – but apparently I’m a year slow for all most of my albums.

I hope you’re enjoying these new albums so far.

Well, till next time!

cumuloq❤

Christmas Reflections: You are not your own

Listening to …

It’s been a really long time that I’ve just sat down and reflected on this blog. I guess the past few blog posts are welcome distractions to the cloud of thoughts coffining my head. Today I woke up, warmed something up for lunch, made tea and sat down and watched the Vlogmas videos I’ve been missing. All welcome distractions.

I found myself gravitating towards the Michalak videos as opposed to the Sacconejoly or Zoella ones. Their Vlogmas videos are a struggle. And – I liked that. And not in this sadistic way where I like to see people stuck in difficult situations, but in a way that I related to them trying to just make it through every day with these real world obstacles. It felt honest, real. No fancy tinsel and mistletoe – just peaks and troughs.

I’ve had some really wonderful Christmases in the past. Christmas is so sacred to me. Admittedly because of the elaborate commercialism surrounding it. But also because of how it somehow just makes everyone kinder and more generous and warmer. December seems like this shining orb that just cannot be touched by any of the troubling worries of humanity. Even if you’re in it for the Christmas lights, shopping deals, presents, family and friends, holidays and free time, the kindness and love – the message of what Christmas truly means just permeates through – hopefully.

But this year Christmas feels so different for me. It feels like a reality check. It feels like a reminder that the world is not kind all the time – even during December. And, worse of all, it’s a reminder that as kind as you try to be and as generous as you try to be and you try to hold onto something pure within yourself … some things just don’t work out.

You are not your own [… or …] You do not belong to yourselves. – 1 Corinthian 6:19

The full verse: Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own.

I understand that this verse is supposed to be positive – that nothing can claim you but God. And since God is Love, nothing can claim you but Love – that there should be no one else on earth, nothing else on earth, that should be able to claim yourself but Him. It means you are in safe Hands.

But when I first read it, it was not a good feeling. Maybe because of the person I am – I feel like I’m constantly pursuing something idealistic, perfectionistic and, sometimes regrettably, individualistic. I seek shelter and secrets and some sort of magic that sometimes disappears from the world so completely I feel lost.

More than anything, I feel like I belong to people and things that claim me as theirs and pull me in so many different ways, when I just want to hold myself together. My brain is not my brain, my heart is not my heart, my house is not my home, my experiences are not mine. This view is not my view, this song is not for me to love, this book is not for me to keep close to my breast, these phrases are created not for me to use.

And I know it’s stupid to want to keep them as mine – to not share them with others, but it also makes me question who am I if I do not belong to myself – if companies and money and corporations seem to own me and everything I “possess”. These words are not even my own, this website I’m typing on is not my own, these thoughts – are they manufactured too? What is completely organic and whole and of the earth anymore?

I want to find it – but – it requires things that are not mine. And if that’s the case, is that experience in itself not mine? Is it claimed by the people and the objects that brought me there?

I feel changed, that’s all. Like I’m looking at everything with questioning eyes. Because I feel like I need to reassess what I’ve built up as my own. Like I need humility and modesty and I need to figure out whether I’m okay with the constructed nature of societies – and belonging in one, and how to keep myself sane in one, and to not lose groundedness. And, I guess, to accept the fact that only God can claim me. And that that is a good thing.

So, let this be a very different Christmas. Let me discover what I want to keep and how much this will cost me and how I can lose “myself” and find myself in return. These moods in the past have tried to destroy me … but I think this time there is silver Christmas lights still flickering in the dark.

Till next time,

cumuloq❤

Favourite Albums of 2015: Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

andrewmcmahoninthewilderness

Hey guys!

Back with another album I absolutely fell in love with in 2015: Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. I say this because the album for today is a bit of a cheatsy-doodles. It came out in August 12, 2014. But I only discovered it this year and fell in love with all the songs. Like literally all of them. I had to stop myself from inserting it into every freaking one of my Youtube playlists. I feel it warrants being in this overview of my favourite albums of 2015.

If you’ve never heard of Andrew McMahon, maybe you’ve heard of Jack’s Mannequin or maybe Something Corporate, all punk-rock bands from the 90s and 20s. He was the lead singer for those bands, and this is his wonderful indie pop baby post-punk-rock-band-days. These songs are perfect to listen to while travelling – on a train, on a bus, in a car, on a plane. The lyrics are just filled with images of long car rides, looking out of the window, missing loved ones and wonderful barren scenery.

The first song I heard off this album was “Cecilia and the Satellite” and I listened to every single version of the song over and over again. I then went to check out more of the songs in the album and loved all of them just as much.

Here’s the ranking of the songs in the album, favourite lines and verses included:

10. Canyon Moon

She couldn’t handle another season
Another ocean of fiction blue
Said a prayer to a dashboard Jesus
Death Valley and worn out shoes

9. Driving Through a Dream

Straighter than the flat line freeway
That’s the way your hair falls down
We could watch the trains from the tightrope
Chase the dark

8. Rainy Girl

The sun is coming up for me
Blackbird on a wire sings a song
So blue

7. Halls

When I left town we were heading for the altar
And I told you I’d be back before too long
Cut my hair and I found me a new girlfriend
Thought a broken heart could write a perfect song
And it did and I was right so now you’re gone

6. Black and White Movies

As the summer came and left with the rain
Pushing shadows down the road
In this old beach town when the sun goes down
All the gray turns into gold

5. High Dive

Headlight in the driveway
You stand in the window waiting
The stars are out tonight
One million fires burning

Out there on the high dive
You dance with your headphones on
And I could watch you all night long
Dancing to someone else’s song

4. See Her on The Weekend

And I’m alright, I think we’re good
Yeah, I drink more than the doctors say I should
I’ve been a little hard to reach, but my girl is at the beach
And I’ll see her on the weekend

3. Maps for the Getaway

Following the outline of your face
I can see your breath move in the dark
Through all the autopilot years
The tears of joy, the face of fear
Now that we’re not hiding
Somehow you’re still riding in my car

2. All Our Lives

I thought “If I could tell her something I would tell her this
There’s only two mistakes that I have made
It’s running from the people who could love me best
And trying to fix a world that I can’t change.”

1. Cecilia and the Satellite

Through all the things my eyes have seen
The best by far is you

As mentioned, all the lyrics are just beautiful. I guess that’s a definite criteria for me for a good album, just something with so much meaning in every line. Honestly I feel like every song in this album is almost on par with one another. Whereas Fall Out Boy’s album I could easily divide the songs I could love forever and the songs that I’m not that fond of, this album has every song fighting for attention. Even when ranking them, one particular song, “Hall”, just stood out as something special. I have a feeling that if I listened to this album just a couple more times that song will just crawl up to first and beg for attention.

If you want to listen to the full album, you can listen to it on Youtube here (though I’m not sure for how long, ’cause it’s not an official link).

Honestly, so ridiculously in love with this album and I hope you fall in love with it too if you already haven’t.

Till next time,

cumuloq❤

My Ranking for 2015 Movies Caught out of Theatres

3 movies+tvshows - wednesday

Hey guys!

So continuing from the movies I’ve watched this year in 2015, here’s the list of movies I watched out of theatres. I had a few goals for movies I wanted to conquer this year, part of it was watching staple movies that are shameful I have yet to watch, like notable sci-fis and 80s teen movies – so I did my best in that arena, and then there were just mindless trashy flicks that I went on marathons of like romcoms and Disney original movies, so those are there.

For some reason I’ve really enjoyed the movies I’ve chosen this year. And there are definitely some movies that will rival my favourite movie of all time, Pan’s Labyrinth. Studio Ghibli’s Howl’s Moving Castle is definitely one of them. I plan to rewatch that in the near future – again and again. Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom is another one. Other movies I intend to rewatch in the future include Two Night Stand and Clueless, definitely some mindless chic-flicks I’d add to my list.

So here’s the gallery and the order I watched them in:

And here’s my ranking:

  1. Howl’s Moving Castle
  2. Moonrise Kingdom
  3. My Neighbor Totoro
  4. Hugo
  5. Two Night Stand
  6. Clueless
  7. Heathers
  8. Lemonade Mouth
  9. Aliens
  10. Blade Runner
  11. 27 Dresses
  12. Pretty in Pink
  13. Love, Rosie
  14. Sixteen Candles
  15. Radio Rebel
  16. Cinderella (2015)
  17. Romeo & Juliet (2013)
  18. The Interview
  19. Ted 2
  20. The DUFF
  21. Pride & Prejudice (2005)
  22. See You in Valhalla
  23. The Spectacular Now
  24. That Awkward Moment
  25. What to Expect When You’re Expecting
  26. Annie

For me, any movie below the 20 mark was forgettable. I think this year Blade Runner was the Tron of last year. I really wanted to like it, but for some reason I just couldn’t like anything past the plot line. Maybe because it just doesn’t hold up over the years, I’m not sure. (Don’t hate me, Blade Runner fans.) I didn’t think it was better than the book it was loosely based off of, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? which was also not as great, in my opinion, as it was hyped up to be – but was still pretty solid.

Let me know if there are any movies you think I’ll like based off of this list that I can try catching next year. Lately, I’ve been focusing a lot more on movies out of the cinema box office as opposed to in them. The next movie I’m currently eyeing is Studio Ghibli’s Castle in the Sky. Apart from that, I’ll just see where my browsing takes me.

Till next time!

cumuloq❤